FEAR ▷ Denis Stoff

eighteen

The next couple days, the plans were being set. I had taken Kassidy and I to get new clothes as most of them had burned in the fire. Denis was with me everyday and I had gotten him to finally relax as we went shopping.

When he told me he loved me, I was in shock. I hadn't gotten the chance to say it back because of my body going into autopilot everyday to protect my mental health.

I felt like I was having out of body experiences every single day. It was like I was watching myself go through everyday life. I don't think I'm depressed. At least, not yet. Nothing has hit me for the past couple days.

I wasn't depressed at all. I just felt like a complete robot.

***

Kassidy had flown back to Ukraine with my Grandparents two days after cremating my parents. Almost immediately after they left, the band had jumped into their bus and we made our way to California to finish off the tour.

Obviously, I was sharing a bunk with Denis. The bunks were surprisingly roomy and comfortable.

The bus ride was mostly silent apart from the low conversations on TV and occasionally talking to one another. We were all drained from the experience. I had grown close to everyone these past few months.

After the night returned, I went to the bunk and laid down. Shortly after, Denis joined me. I turned myself around to face him.

"Hey, baby?" He mumbled.

"Yeah?" I mumbled back.

"I promise that I'm gonna do my best to make you happy. I might not be able to do much, but I really am going to try my best. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Denis."

His eyes flew open.

"You do?" Denis whispered excitedly.

"Yes. I do." I chuckled a little.

"That's a relief because I love you a shit ton."

I smiled again, even though he couldn't see it.

"Get some sleep, love. I'll be right here when you wake up. Unless I have to piss, but I'll hurry."

"Goodnight." I snuggled into Denis and slowly fell asleep.

***

Ben was yelling nonsense to get everyone out of bed. I wanted to stay tucked into Denis' side.

Our curtain was ripped open.

"Go away Benjamin." Denis groaned and put the blanket over his head like a child.

"I will not. We have to go to soundcheck, mate." Ben replied seeming perky.

It was weird.

"Fucking hell." Denis muttered under his breath and untangled himself from me.

Suddenly, there was a big noise.

"Oi, what the hell Benjamin?" He groaned.

Ben must've pulled him out and he fell.

"Should I wake up Sofia?" Ben asked.

"No. Let her sleep while she can. She was rolling around a lot and crying in her sleep." Denis sounded extremely sad.

Ben closed the curtain to the bunks and I opened my eyes.

Had I really been crying in my sleep?

"It's extremely tough right now for her. It's going to take a while, but eventually she'll start to get better." Ben spoke again.