The Boy In The Beanie (Fetus Harry Styles)

I Don't Know Him

I decide that I like painting the actual scene in person so everyday after school I take my canvas with me to the pond and paint, not only does this assignment give me something to do other than stare at the ceiling but it gives me time and space to clear my mind.

Each day at school Harry returns more and more different, I want to help but I need to let go and accept that the boy I once knew is gone, Harry won't even look in my direction but he doesn't need to for me to see the darkness in his eyes.

I decide that even after I'm done with this project I'm going to continue to come to the pond to paint, there's so much beauty to capture.

--------------------Friday------------------

Ms. Scarlett is very very pleased with my painting, she says that I did a good job capturing even the smallest of details and that this was a very original scene. When she asks where it is I just tell her that it's a pond near my house.

I finally clear things up with Aria, I know that no body especially a boy should ever get between us plus I've really needed someone to talk to. Luckily she's forgiving, I guess I remembered how close Aria and I were and how much more enjoyable that concert would've been if I would've had my best friend by my side. Point being, I missed her.

Months go by an I continue to go by the pond every afternoon. I follow the same trail everyday, making sure no one sees me go in.

Slowly, I forget about the boy in the beanie, he is now just a memory. The boy I see walk into class, late everyday is not him. I don't love him and I don't miss him because he never was mine. I miss the boy in the beanie but I know he's too far gone to be found so I simply act as if I've never met the boy who sits across from me, because that's how I feel.

I don't feel like I'm ignoring the boy in the beanie I feel like I'm not talking to a stranger which I guess is normal. I once felt like that was still him but I now realize that he no longer exists. Aria rarely talks to him anymore now that her and I are talking again. I still have nightmares about losing him, I still have guilt that haunts me for changing him but that's something I can never take back.

I don't look at him.
I don't talk to him.
Because I don't know him.

I sure do miss my little star though.