I Am Going to Tell you

This is Me Saying Goodbye To The Possibility of Us

I’m saying goodbye to the possibility of you and me, not that we had any, to be honest.

Goodbye to any possibility of a love story with you. Goodbye to the “once upon a time” and “happily ever after” that had never been inked on any piece of paper, or on any surface for that matter.

Goodbye to any possibility of dates. Kite-flying, going to the museum, watching a soccer game, surfing the waves in Alkastrand, climbing a mountain, visiting a dog café, roaming around the bookstore, and driving to the North or South and just forget about the rest of the world for a while.

Goodbye to any possibility of the little things. Sending photos and videos of anything that could make the other laugh, the little notes that we’d slip into each other’s pockets, the random gifts we’d give each other on normal days, the silly banters and inside jokes we’d have, the “good morning” and “good night” texts and everything in between.

Goodbye to any possibility of the big things. The surprises we’d pull off for each other, the lengths we’d go through just to put a smile on each other’s face; me supporting you in every game you play and being proud of what you’ve done because I know you’re good at it; and you letting me drag you to my favorite movie screening even though you’d rather yours.

Goodbye to any possibility of misunderstandings and disagreements. Of jealousy, of having different views on topics that deeply matter to us, of counting and comparing each other’s mistakes, of letting our pride get in the way.

Goodbye to any possibility of us becoming better versions of ourselves. Of us learning to respect a completely opposite opinion from ours, of putting ourselves in the other’s shoes before jumping into conclusions, of how compromise can save a relationship, of sacrificing one’s happiness for the other.

Goodbye to any possibility of butterflies, sparks, and fireworks.
Goodbye to any possibility of knowing each other on a deeper level. On late-night conversations that would continue until the first rays of sunlight peek through the clouds; on knowing what tickles the fancy of the other, our greatest fears, our ambitions; on what pisses the other off, on what could make the other smile, laugh, cry, or if we’re lucky, feel all of those at the same time.

Goodbye to any possibility of making you happy. For I truly know deep in my heart and in the littlest corners of my brain, for all that I have to give, nothing can compare to the happiness anyone brings you.

Goodbye to the potential love we could have had. The kind that makes the other want to be the one who loves more; the all-consuming, every-fiber-of-my-being type of love; the kind of love that would not only be between us but with all the people we care about; the kind of love that would resonate from the deepest core of our souls.

Goodbye to the love story that had never been given the chance to begin
You deserve someone who looks at you like you’re the star that made their wish come true. Someone who holds your hand as if you’re the biggest and most precious secret that they plan to keep; someone who loves you just the way that you are and does not expect you to change even the slightest. You deserve someone whose eyes say “I’m glad you’re here,” instead of “let’s have sex again.” You deserve someone who respects you enough to know that you can make your own decisions; someone who would never patronize you.

You deserve someone who encourages you to explore and expand your horizons. Not someone who asks you to remain stagnant and unmoved. You deserve someone who never forces you to do things you do not want to; someone who supports you in everything that you do whether it meets their comprehension or not; someone who trusts you; someone who acknowledges that you have dreams and aspirations, and stays with you while you try to reach them. You deserve someone who always asks how you are and knows how good or bad your day has been based on the tone of your voice when you said hello over the phone.

You deserve someone who watches you get dressed in the morning with the same glimmering eyes that watched you undress the previous night. You deserve someone who holds you until sunrise; someone who does not run off when midnight strikes. You deserve someone who touches you with care and knows that you have been broken and are still fragile; someone whose hands feel like home and not like an intruder. You deserve someone who helps you write your story and does not try to make it their own. You deserve someone who does not laugh at your passion and knows that it is just as important as they are to you.

You deserve someone who goes with you to your favourite band’s concert even if it’s not their cup of tea. Someone who lets you listen to your music undisturbed and watches as you retreat to your safe haven. You deserve someone who understands that there are times when you need some moment alone; someone who lets you read your book in silence. You deserve someone who knows when you need to seek refuge; someone whose love you can use as your whole new world when you need a break from the cruelty of your reality. You deserve someone who knows that it took you a lot of contemplation and effort to break your walls down and open your heart again.

Most importantly, you deserve someone who will stay. Someone who would never appear at your doorstep with apologetic eyes and a forced smile, and say, “Here is your love. I don’t need it anymore.” You deserve someone who would give your love importance and would never cheat; someone who would never take you for granted; someone who would never tell you that you deserve better simply because it sounds like the easiest way out.

You deserve someone who will always believe in your love. Someone who knows that you’re worth more than a thousand words could ever convey. You deserve someone who would make you so happy that you forget that you had ever been sad; someone who would love you so much that you forget that you were once wondering if you are worthy of love. You deserve someone who would make you realize that you deserve to be loved; but not just with any kind of love.

And I thought that someone was me. Pity you never wanted all that from me. So.....
This Is Me Saying Goodbye To The Possibility Of Us. Goodbye to the love story that had never been given the chance to begin
Goodbye Sihle. My unrequited love.