I Am Going to Tell you

I will NEVER STOP WRITING ABOUT YOU Sihle

You are the book that I wish I could read for the rest of my life.

You are the comforting weight and familiarity of cover and pages clutched in hands that have always instinctively reached for something to hold. You are the words sprinkled across those pages, simple lines winding their way into formations that create something so breathtakingly wonderful.

You are the song that I wouldn't mind having stuck in my head for years.

And yes, this comes from the girl who complains all too often about having one lodged there. You are the perfect arrangement of harmonies that leaves me wondering just how something like you is capable of existing. You are the lyrics so artfully arranged that I am left to desperately try and catch the breath that I've forgotten how to take in.

You are the very essence of what my confused heart has wanted all this time.

You are the rain that falls during the night, and the birds that sing so early in the mornings, and the ocean, so vast and fathomless, and all of the things I find captivatingly beautiful.

Sihle, You are the words I can't quite say and the ones I will never stop writing.

You are the simple presence of safety that is so long sought after. You are the hope behind laughter, and the wonder blanketed in weighty silences that have never felt so comfortable.

For If a writer loves you, you can never die. Your love will be described more vividly than you could ever imagine. Every moment of passion, lust, and admiration will be captured. The feelings you have for each other will live and breathe.

If a writer loves you, you will always exist. Your name will be permanently etched into paper, your physical descriptions printed in ink. You will flourish in their writing; their articles, their journals, their short stories, their poems. You will always be frozen in time.

If a writer loves you, every single moment spent together, good and bad, will be documented, reflected on, glorified, transformed into poetry. They will turn even the ugliest sides of you into something lovable, perfect. Writers are obsessively observant, they feel the rawest form of emotions, they see human behavior as something to always take note of. You become their favorite character.

If a writer loves you, everything will be remembered, from the hair scattered on your back to how assuredly you talk about the future. Climatic moments will play in their head like a movie. Each and every inkling of passion will be transcribed. Your words are never forgotten - instead mulled over in their minds until they can make sense of it all. Your expressions are never forgotten - they can stir them up in their minds in a moment's notice.

If a writer loves you, they will dwell in that simple moment you already forgot about. They will remember the expression on your face, the intonation of your voice, the color of the sky, the breeze fluttering your coat. Even if the moment was dark, ugly, cruel, they will make it beautiful and lyrical and pure.

If a writer loves you, they will see you in a way no one else has, or ever will. They don't just see what's on the surface; they see to your core from the very beginning. They catch on to so many minor details that they will piece together why you act the way you do, why you are the way you are. You will never be fully understood until a writer falls in love with you. They live for character development, for empathizing and feeling, for identifying and putting words to each trait and characteristic that makes you unique.

If a writer loves you, they don't simply see you wake up in the morning like anyone else might. A writer authenticates it, stores it, can recall the scene whenever they like. They can make it thrive in words, sentences, paragraphs.

If a writer loves you, your eyes don't just open in the morning. A writer sees that they slowly flutter open and register to the brightness in the room, the dark blue hue catching the sunlight. A writer sees you give a small, satisfied smile, a lazy blink, a deep contented groan before pulling you closer in her arms. They feel the texture of your skin, the open pores as though you just dried off from a sauna. They feel the slight raised skin of your scar and the smooth trench of the spine. They see the black hair sticking wildly in different directions, beads of water on the temples. They hear how quickly you falls asleep, the sudden depth to your breathing, the heavy sighs every so often as if youre having a disappointing dream.

If a writer loves you, they see and feel these details; they become a part of them. They write them down, they remember them, they treasure them.

If a writer loves you, and you choose to leave or be no part of them, no one will ever see you in quite the same way. For the rest of your life, you will know that there is someone from your past who can write a whole story based on your eyes opening in the morning, or the way you laugh or smile, the way you listen intently with a furrowed brow, the way you gesture while explaining something, the way your hands ball into fists when you walk. They can turn your sleepy forehead kisses into a poem; your smitten gaze into a novel. They know your textures, your sounds, your scents; they bring them to life. They keep you alive, eternally. And you will remain their favorite, most true story that they've ever written

Hence, that is why I never stop writing about you. You are the words I can't quite say and the ones I will never stop writing. For instance in my story you are the main character that I never want to loose even though you rejected the lead role part of my real life story. I am the writer and I love you Sihle.