Insane

Chapter 1

Insanity.

I would say that is a good description of my life. It fits the people I meet and myself. But the real question is...do I even know myself?

"Ashwin," my mother said, nudging me with her elbow.

I shook my head clear of my scattered thoughts. "Yes mother?" I asked realizing I had gotten lost in my own thoughts during dinner again.

My father sighed and stabbed his fork into his beans while my mother gave me that familiar look of concern.

"I'm fine," I said, knowing she was going to ask anyways. "May I be excused? I had a long day and I just need some rest."

"Go ahead," my father, Mike, said in that low gruff voice of his.

I nodded in appreciation and cleared my dishes before silently padding across the hall to my room. I can hear them murmuring about me. Something about going back to the hospital. There was no way I was going to spend another month at the dumb place and let them take my blood and feed me trash.

I crawl under my covers, not even bothering with taking off my current clothing. The glow in the dark stick-on stars from my childhood still clung to the ceiling in a rough formatting of the Big Dipper. A small smile makes its way across my features as I remember the day clearly.

"I want to stick this star right here!" A young and stubborn Gideon pouted. Gideon and Ashwin have been friends since pre-school.

"Gideon! That's not part of the Big Dipper. You'll ruin it," six year old me demanded and tackled Gideon on the bed.

Gideon groaned and we wrestled on the ground a bit, fighting for the last star.

I finally let Gideon do what he wanted with the star.

"I'm gonna put it right here," Gideon said and put the last part of the Big Dipper right above my pillow. "This represents me. Always above you!" He said and stuck out his tongue.

"Jerk!" I said and chased him around my house while laughing.

I had to do everything in my power to keep from crying. I buried my face in my pillow, allowing myself to be lost in my thoughts, like I so often did unintentionally. When I turned around to look up at my ceiling that singular star was there to remind me of Gideon. In a way, he was above me now. "I miss you," I whispered to the star and its glow slowly faded away.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
"Insanity is not something we should take lightly," Maria Janey said as she gave her report on The Human Mind. "It is a real thing that causes people to act in irrational ways. Causes them to think differently. It is a very broad topic, yes. It is used lightly when describing people sometimes. People use it to classify a lot of other mental disorders. People don't realize how important it is to-"

I began to tune her out. She is one of the humans that annoyed me more than anyone. And the way she kept looking at me as she talked made my skin crawl.

Luckily, the bell rang before I could retaliate to her comment about how insane people were terrible.  

I'm not terrible. Am I?

I ducked my head as I walked through the sea of fellow students. I knew better than to make contact with any of them. They knew my past. What happened to me. I dare not go back to that day but my mind has already began to go in that direction.

"You're going to Bella's with me, right? Buy one smoothie get the second one free!" Gideon practically sang over the phone.

"Don't get your panties in a pretzel. Yeah I'll go with you. But don't expect me to eat their food. It's not the greatest pile of trash I've ever eaten," I said and pulled on a beanie.

"I know, I know. I'll be there soon. Be ready for me, okay? Don't wanna be left waiting in your drive way forever," he said and hung up.

I laughed and wrapped my favorite multi-colored scarf around my neck and went outside to wait for him. The night sky was littered with bright stars and they encircled the nearly full moon that hung low in the sky.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I ran into someone much shorter than I.

"Oh my gosh. Sorry," a very timid male voice said and I shook my head. Was he afraid of me?

"No. It's fine," I said softly, not wanting to talk anymore and I began to walk away.

I took this time to actually take in what he looked like. He had soft brown hair and huge blue eyes. He was rather short. He was timid, it seemed, and seemed a bit paranoid. I brushed off the encounter and made my way down to the courtyard with my head spinning.

"Mom. I need to go home," I said after calling my mother. I was most definitely not feeling good.

"Alright. I'll call in," my mother said and hung up. This wasn't a rare encounter. I usually went home sick during the day ever since like two years ago.

I made my way to my car with my head bowed. I tried not to throw up all over the black top. I felt dizzy as I sat and rested my head on the steering wheel. My thoughts became fuzzy and my memory was worn thin. Next thing I knew, I blacked out.

I was waiting for Gideon. I knew he would be late because he always was. So I distracted myself with a couple of rocks, seeing how high I could stack them before they fell.  I was pulled from my game when someone honked from the driveway.

"Get in, loser," Gideon called and I grinned.

"As you wish," I said and ducked into the passenger seat. "You know... Most teenagers smoke and do illegal things late at night. But here we are...getting cheap smoothies and French fries."

Gideon laughed. "Well...I mean...we're not exactly the most normal humans. I thought we established this earlier."

I nodded at his words and smiled. I opened my mouth to reply.

"Are you okay?" Someone asked and pulled me from my unconsciousness and back to the real world.

I jerk my head up and nearly smashed it against the seat. "What happened?" I asked and rubbed my eyes.

"I don't know. I just saw you...and I was worried...I'm sorry. I...didn't know if I..." The same timid male from earlier stuttered beside me.

I dropped my hands and looked to the male. "What time is it?" I asked warily.

"Uh. 3:30," the male replied after checking his phone.

I swore. I had been out for a while, but my usual sickness had faded. "Thanks. I'm fine," I told the male. "My name is Ashwin, by the way."

"I'm...Zeal," he said quietly as if he was unsure of his name. But then again...maybe he was. He was unsure of himself so why not be unsure of his name. "I don't believe them."

"Believe who? About what?"

"People say that...that you're insane and...well...I don't believe them."