Insane

Chapter 5

I don't think there goes a day I don't think about Gideon. His face, his voice, his final words are always on my mind. His goofy grin, his laugh, his cry. I know it all. Remember it like he only died yesterday.

I didn't realize I was sobbing in the dark until my mother flipped the light on a sat on the bed beside me. Her expression grim and concerned and I knew it was early morning. She stroked the hair out of my face as I sobbed quietly.

There was this pain in my chest. One that sprout every time I sobbed. It was a stabbing pain that grew and grew inside of me in an almost overwhelming way. My pillow was soaked from my pitiful tears.

"Why did he have to die, mom?" I sobbed into the pillow. I had to have been pretty dehydrated by that time.

"I don't know honey..." She whispered.

"Why did he leave me here? Why couldn't it have been me? He had such a beautiful life ahead of him..."

My mother sighed a bit and kissed my forehead. "It just wasn't meant to be, sweetie. But your here and he lives on in you. I think he'd be pretty proud of you right now."

I chuckled a watery chuckle and sat up, wiping at my eyes and nose. "He'd probably think I'm pretty pathetic just moping around."

My mother smiled a bit and shook her head. "Maybe. But I'm sure he'd be here to comfort you like he has in the past."

I remembered how he helped me through many unnecessarily dramatic break-ups in my past. Always telling  me that these guys weren't worth my time, and I'd tell him how he didn't understand or how I thought this one was my one and only. It all seems so dumb now. "Yeah."

My mother rubbed my back comfortingly and gave me that all too familiar look of concern. "I love you."

"I love you too, mom," I said and kissed her forehead. "Go get some sleep. I'll be okay, promise."

Mother sighed and smiled. "Okay," she whispered and stood. "Wake me if you need anything." And with that she quietly padded out of my room.
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"Ashwin! Hey. Wait up! Ashwin!" Someone was calling after me as I left my science class. I turned to face the person. It was the girl, Lily, from the day before.

"Hm?"

Lily caught up to me and smiled a brilliant smile. "I want you to sit with us at lunch..."

I swallowed and looked at her in confusion. "You want me to sit with you guys?"

Lily laughed and brushed her strawberry blonde hair off her shoulder and winked at me. "Yea. Actually it was Daniel's idea. He wanted to ask you some questions or something like that."

I stared at her. Daniel. The boy that seemed to hate my guts. Why on the green earth did he want me to sit with him and his...posse? He had just told me not so long ago that I wasn't worth his time. Now, somehow I was?

"Earth to Ashwin. You got a voice or did a cat steal it?"

How curious. "No. I have a voice." Maybe a little too much mental talking, Ash. "Ah yea. I'd ah...I'd ah like that."

Lily beamed at me and tugged me towards the cafeteria by my black sweatshirt sleeve. "Yay! You won't regret it, I swear."

As we neared the cafeteria I began to doubt that statement. Kids rushed from table to table, food flung from a few tables, a few were playing this one card game, and it was all around chaos. Lunch. I swear teenagers are animals.