Insane

Chapter 9

I watched as the rain hit my window in a soothing way. With my earbuds in my ears and It's Okay playing, my mind went back to my past.

"Ash! You gotta hear this song," Gideon said and plopped next to me on my bed. Rain crashed against the window.

I looked to him and smiled before sticking his earbud in my ear and listened to the soft music. When I glanced at Gideon, his eyes were closed and a very content smile had stretched across his features. I didn't realize I was crying until Gideon opened his eyes and looked at me funny.

"Why are you crying?"  He asked, his eyebrows knit together in the middle.

I wiped my eyes and shrugged. "It's just...a very emotional song, Gid," I said and shrugged again when he continued to stare at me funny.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine," I said but despite my reassuring tone, Gideon wrapped his arms around me in a hug.

"I'll always be here for you, Ash. No matter what."

I wiped the tears from my face and squeezed my eyes shut. "You lied to me, Gideon..." I sat up and threw my shoes at the wall. Then I began to angrily throw the stuff off of my bed, cursing and sobbing. "You left me here alone!"
Finally, I fell to the floor in a sobbing hot mess. I pulled at my hair and sobbed, rocking back and forth with my knees pulled up to my chest. I heard footsteps racing toward me but I didn't care anymore. I just didn't care.

Someone was shushing me, but it's not my mother like I thought it was. No. This figure was too tall.

"It's okay, Ash." It was Daniel. I curled against him and sobbed. I felt so hopeless, so weak. "It'll be okay. I'm here now."
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I refused to acknowledge Daniel for the rest of the week. I was too ashamed, too embarrassed because he had seen me at such a weak time. Luckily, he respected my space and left me alone, yet I caught him looking at me a few times during lunch. My luck ran out on Friday during lunch.

"Ashwin! Hey!" He called as I tried to escape confronting him. "Wait up!" I debated walking faster, but decided against it and slowed my pace.

Daniel approached me out of breath, like he'd been running. "Can we talk?"

I shrugged and allowed Daniel to lead me into the library to a small table towards the back. He looked at me expectantly, but my mouth wouldn't open.

"Why have you been avoiding me all week?"

Silence.

"Did I do something wrong?"

I shook my head.

Daniel sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Please. Help me out here, Ashwin."

I looked to him and sighed. "I'm sorry for avoiding you," I said quietly and then averted my eyes to my hands.

I could tell Daniel was rubbing his temples. "But why did you? Are you okay?"

I resisted the urge to laugh. Of course I wasn't okay. I was never okay. "I'm fine."

Daniel looked me over and sighed. "Why were you avoiding me, Ash?"

I just shook my head and glanced around at the other students.

"Tell me," Daniel urged.

"Make me."

Daniel smacked the table with his palm and stood. "Whatever, Greene," he said and hesitated before walking out of the library.

I stayed in my chair and folded my hands in my lap, wondering what on earth was going to happen next. Life was so full of mysteries and there didn't seem to be an answer key.