Insane

Chapter 10

I don't know why I did it, but I did and I'm so sorry, Gideon. I know I promised you I would never, but I did. I cut my wrists and I'm so so sorry. Please...forgive me.
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Daniel avoided me all week, but I noticed he had re-dyed his hair to a darker royal blue.

I never approached him.

I didn't even talk to Lily or Zeal.

It was like I had never even met them in the first place, and I realized how lonely my life had been. I missed them.

I crawled into bed, too sick to even go to school this morning. My world spun and my wrists itched under their bandages. The walls seemed to lean towards me and I had to close my eyes to keep from getting sick right then and there.

My world seemed to shift back again, but it was worse than before. This time, I knew it could be better. This time I was aware of how lonely I truly was. The stomach churned at the thought.

"I never want to see you again!" Gideon spat.

I shook my head, not wanting my mind to go back to that day.

"GET OUT OF MY LIFE!" He pushed on my shoulders, his face red from anger.

I stumbled back, blinking back tears. "What are you talking about, Gid?" I asked, trying to keep my tone from shaking, but failed.

He clenched his fists and shook his head, avoiding eye contact. "You stole him from me..."

I searched his face. "I stole who?"

"MIKE! God, Ashwin. You stole Mike from me. You knew how much I liked him, yet you pushed and pushed and flirted your way into his life," Gideon practically growled.

I blinked, tears fell down my cheeks. I hated seeing him like this. Mad. "I didn't mean to. I-"

"Shut up, Ashwin! Just...shut up," Gideon said and rested his head in his hands as he fell to the floor.

I got the impression that this wasn't just about Mike and sat beside him. I wrapped an arm around him and held him to my side, glad he didn't pull away. After a few minutes of sobs and silence, I finally spoke up. "What's going on, Gideon?" I kept my tone soft.

Gideon just leaned into me and sniffled. "My mother...she tried to kill herself, Ashwin," he sobbed and I pulled him closer. "My father won't stop drinking," he continued, "and I'm so terrified for my family."

I clenched my fists and punched my pillow. "Damnit!" I yelled, hot tears rolled down my face and dripped from my chin. "Damnit, damnit, damnit!" I couldn't keep my mind from going back.

Gideon showed me his wrists for the first time and I cried, clutching him to my chest, never wanting to let go so he didn't have to feel anymore pain. He was my best friend. He didn't deserve this. I held him close to me for what seemed like hours till he finally pulled away and looked at me with red eyes.

"You have it so easy," he choked and closed his eyes. I wanted to argue, but I couldn't. "So promise me something. Never, ever cut your wrists, Ash. Please. I couldn't bare to see you do that to yourself..."

And so I promised him. I linked his pinkie through mine and swore to never slit my wrists. When I told Gideon to do the same, he simply shook his head.

"I'm not going to make a promise I know I'll break."

We sobbed for a bit longer, clinging to each other for support. Sniffling and finally calming down.

"Thank you, Ashwin."

I was sobbing. Pitiful tears left my eyes and my body shook against the bed. I peeled back the bandages on my wrists and pressed against the fresh cuts. Pain coursed through my body and my mind went blank. Gideon was gone. Daniel was gone. Everything was just...gone.

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Someone grabbed my wrist and I looked to face the person with wide eyes. Daniel was standing there, his glasses slipping down to the end of his nose. I was relieved to see him, despite his angry expression. I pulled on my wrist but he wouldn't let go.

"I'm tired of avoiding each other," he said and looked me in the eye.

My cuts stung under his grip and he must of noticed me wincing, because he looked down at my wrist with a confused expression. And so he pushed up my sleeve.

I didn't know what to do. I wanted to run, but his grip still remained around my wrist as he examined my forearm. So many expressions flashed across his face and looked up at me with watery eyes.

"You..." He couldn't finish his sentence.

I pulled my wrist back to my chest and pushed the sleeve down. I looked at him for a second before turning on my heel and ran towards the nearest bathroom. I could hear Daniel running after me but I locked myself in a stall and fell to the cold tile, tears streaming down my face.  I could see Daniel's feet underneath the door and then I saw him sit.

My sobs echoed in the mostly empty room and I pressed my face to the cold tile, feeling sick. When I looked over at the door again, Daniel had stuck his hand under. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and slipped my shaking hand in his. His fingers curled around mine and he remained silent.

We stayed like for a while until I had calmed down and Daniel spoke up. "Open the door," he said softly and I obeyed. When I opened it all the way, Daniel enveloped me in a hug. At first, I didn't know how to react but eventually I loosened up and hugged him back, squeezing my eyes shut. My entire body shook, but Daniel just held me tighter.

"You don't have to be alone anymore. I don't know how I could ever leave you alone," he said into my shoulder. "Cause here's the thing. I can't stop thinking about you. I want to know you. I want to know everything about you. I want to know your favorite color. The first thing you do in the morning. Your favorite brand. Your favorite music. Your past. I want...you, Ashwin. I want you."

I didn't know what to say, or what to do, but Daniel pulled away and gently cupped my head in his hands. His eyes were on mine and the next thing I know, he's leaning toward me. Or I'm leaning towards him. I don't really remember. All I know, is at that moment I knew I wasn't alone and our lips met.