Someday

4

Cydthealees's POV

"Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor? I wish that it could be like that. Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours."

Cause I'm yours.
I'm yours.
Yours.

That's right. I'm yours, but you're not mine. Kahit pag-balikbaliktarin natin ang mundo, hinding hindi ka magiging akin. Hanggang kaibigan lang talaga ang tingin mo sa akin and that should be enough. It should be. Pero I want more. I want you. And so, I've decided. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna confess.

Wait...I'm not sure. Is it really worth it? Is it worth it to risk our friendship? Gusto kong maging selfish. I want to put my feelings first, pero what if what I'm feeling right now is just temporary? Temporary daw. Eh ilang months na yan. Temporary pa ba? Wag mong niloloko sarili mo, Cyd. Oo nga naman. Tama ka, inner self. But still, worth it ba? Jusko, mahal ko siya. God knows that.

Aba, bahala na si Batman. I'll give myself a deadline. Today is Sunday and by Saturday, I should have already made decision. Promise yan.

Monday

Ughh. Monday na naman. Aral na naman. Training na naman. Pero ayos lang yung training, lubos-lubusin na. Last year na eh.

I got up, took my towel and headed straight to the shower. I was walking half-alseep to the bathroom when a thought suddenly went through my mind. Oh shit, di ko pa pala tapos yung isang homework na due today. Paktay ka diha. I decided to not let it get to me, that class won't be till this afternoon anyway, so I have time to rush it.

Pagdating ko sa bathroom, I saw a sticky note on my toothbrush. It read: "Hi Didit! Good morning. See you at training in a little while! Don't forget to have breakfast ha? :) -Kimy"

Ang puso ko. Hindi ko siya kaya. Anong klaseng magic ang meron ka Kim Fajardo?? Blinack magic mo na yata ang puso't isipan ko huhu langya ka.

I removed the sticky note, put it aside and started to brush my teeth. While doing that, hindi siya maalis sa isip ko (lol what's new). Then I remembered the deal I made with myself last night. Kinabahan ako bigla. Lol, it was only a deal I made with myself, I can change my mind whenever I want.

I continued to do my morning pre-training routine. It wasn't long till training started. When I got to Razon's, I felt nervous and uneasy. Magkikita kami ni Kim and my heart is doing things it hasn't done in so long. Parang first crush lang ganern.

Throughout training, I did my best and pushed aside the thoughts of kilig ang ilang with Kim. Pagdating sa volleyball, we both knew what to do. After training, Kim was clingy again. Her clinginess really makes me want to clear things up by confessing. Ask her what all this means. If it means anything at all. Although I know that she's said before na wala talaga, I just want to clarify. I want to here her response, knowing that I've laid out my heart in front of her.

That day, I slept with a smile on my face, but my heart was unsure. Tomorrow is another day.

Tuesday

My classes for the day had just finished. Everything hurts and the deadlines are making my head hurt. Nasa higaan ako ngayon nakatunganga because I need a break from everything. I can feel my eyes starting to get droopy and sleep was about to get me when I heard the door open.

"Cyd, nakita mo ba yung- ay sorry! Di ko alam natutulog ka pala. Akala ko nag-aaral ka." sabi ni Kim.

"Yeah, I will in a while. I'm just taking a break." I said with a smile, "Ano bang hinahanap mo?"

"Nawawala kase yung NY cap ko. I was just wondering kung nakita mo ba."

"Um, I'm not sure eh. If you want you can borrow mine muna." I offered.

"Really? Okay lang sa'yo?" tanong ni Kim.

"Oo naman. Cap lang yan. I'll tell you if I find your cap."

"Thank you, you're the best!" sabi niya sakin sabay hug.

"Of course I am." biro ko. The best talaga ako, mahal kita eh.

"Okay, go back to sleep na. And don't stress too much. I know you can do this." sabi ni Kim as she left the room.

Napabuntong hininga ako. Tomorrow, Wednesday, I will tell her. I'm determined.