Only Cry Silent Tears

Is it too late now to say sorry?

Christian

"Christian, she's not a part of us. She just don't fit in our world." Jessica said. I didn't look at her because I was looking at Monica walk away and Kayla run after her. I wanted to run after her but that was something I just couldn't do. "You won't work with her and you know it." She said signaling for Yolanda to walk away so we could be alone in the hallway.

"So what are you trying to say? You would work with me? I already told you she ain't nobody to me. Miss me with that extra bullshit" I said ready to walk away being that she already made me late for class.

"Look Christian she's just too different. I'm right for you, how about you just let me show you." She said grabbing my arm. I looked at her pretty much pissed off but took her up on that offer. We snuck off to the janitor's closet. Of course I had the key. This wasn't new she knew the routine. I turned her around she giggled loving when I took control. I took this as a chance to take my frustrations out. I know I was hurting her but she liked it this way. Couldn't get Monica off my mind though. I felt bad. I didn't tell her this but last night after I dropped her off seeing her with her sister I told myself to try to make things better for her but I ended up making things worst. I wanted Jessica to feel as hurt as I just made Monica hurt. But I know she was liking it.

"AHHH shit Christian! Okay you're really starting to AHHH hurt me!" Jessica yelled. But I wasn't done I waited until I came to let her rest. I slipped the condom off pulled my pants up and left her there. She smirked because she got what she wanted. I was beyond sweaty and trying to track down Monica just wasn't going to happen. So I got in my car and drove home. I really needed a shower.

***

"Christian what in God's name are you doing home." My mother snapped I really didn't think she would be home.

"Ummm sorry ma, I left early some things came up." I said trying to rush up the steps.

"Boy you sexing?" She asked. I looked at her all wide eyed. See I never had the sex conversation with my mother. My father yes but never my mother

"What ma?" I asked

"Boy I aint stupid! Is it that pretty girl? Monica is her name right?" She asked I shook my head.

"No aint nothing going on with me and that girl. She just tutors me." I said making my way to my room.

"Well Destiny says you must really like that girl." She said and I didn't wait to say anything else because I honestly didn't want to think about Monica, at least not right now.

***

Monica

"You see Monica that's the problem, I told you leave that motherfucker alone." I sat on the steps outside school with my hands over my face trying to hide the fact that I was hurt. I love Kayla but her bitching really wasn't working. "I say let his ass fail." She yelled.

"Kayla just let it go ok I'm fine. It's nothing really." I said begging her to let this go.

"Ummm did yawl see Christian? I wanted to know if he can drive me home because I'm all sweaty and stuff." Jessica said. I really didn't notice her walking up. But I was definitely pissed off. Her hair was a mess. I aint stupid I know how she get down. I also know she only said that because she wanted to get under my skin. I rolled my eyes walking away as she laughed. Kayla said something to her but I wasn't in the mood to listen. I didn't want to think about Christian. Well not right now that is. Bad enough I had to see him after school.

***

I got to Christian house on time clearly still mad but for some reason I wasn't trying to make him fail. I rang his door bell and his mother answered.

"Hey pretty girl, he's in his room." She said I smiled and walked up to his room. He was laying down on his bead listening to his iPod. His eyes closed so he didn't see me walk in. I wanted to do very few talking as possible so I went to his desk and set up. Waiting for him to notice me. I guess he felt my eyes on him because he opened his eyes and looked very much surprised to see me.

"Monica, you came!" He said getting up and sitting down on the other side of the desk. I wrote on a piece of paper telling him to turn to page 207 and read.

"Monica, you dead ass not going to talk to me?" He asked I didn't say anything. He sighed turning to the page and started reading. I even wrote the questions down on paper so I didn't have to talk to him. He laughed at first saying it was real cute but soon got very frustrated.

"Come on talk. This shit aint working!" He snapped but I stayed calm and it was really getting to him.

"What the fuck you want me to do, say I'm sorry?" He asked. I looked at him still not saying a word. I wrote on the paper. Don't just say it Christian I want you to mean it.

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it." He said.

"So you meant it when you said. I was nobody and nothing? You make me sick." I said my voice dry and crackly. I didn't need this stress right now.

"No. Monica you don't get it, I like you. I didn't mean what I said earlier, I'm sorry. I'm not good at this apologizing type shit!" He said.

"Well if you like me, get used to it." I said my arms folded in front of me. He waited a while I guess trying to find his words

"Monica, I like you but, it's hard to make it known. I should have never said what I said I'm sorry. I'm growing feelings too fast and I don't understand it. Today made me realize I don't want you mad at me and I hate to see you hurt. You may not believe me but I swear it's true." He said.

"And Jessica?" I asked.

"I don't care about Jessica. I don't want Jessica." I rolled my eyes gullible as ever. His sorry worked.

"You got feelings huh?" I laughed.

"Don't front baby girl you got feelings too." He smiled and moved closer to me. I closed my eyes as he leaned forward. I knew he was moving in to kiss me but my body still took it as a surprise. I've been kissed before by Rodney and I didn't like it. But I liked this kiss. Christian lips were so nice and soft. He even slipped his tongue into my mouth I loved it. It was everything that it should've been.

"Your lips are so soft." He said a little above a whisper, I blushed.

"Really?"

"Yea really."

----

I have so neglected this story but I'm back

life got in the way

but I'm here

and with a lot more time on my hands

Enjoy you guys and gals

Do you think Monica is too soft?

Gullible

Dumb maybe?

Do yall want to see her stand up for herself

at least once

Let me know.

-CV