DRUG

Chapter~4B

"I wouldn't have wasted my money on buying you coffee had I known you wouldn't drink it."

   I drew my attention away from my fidgety fingers - they were screwing my wedding ring in and out of my pale finger as a physical demonstration of thought- to find Natalie prying at me as if being at my station was illegal.

"What?"

My voice could only come out as subtle as a breeze.

   Her eyes squinted inquisitively at me while she scanned my expression. My wish was for the grin on her face to turn into the classic smile that she wears utterly, one that could effortlessly sweep the pain of being myself away from me for a moment.

I watched myself slowly draw back into thoughts and into a distant echo, Natalie's voice palled. Surprisingly, I hadn't thoughts in my head. It wasn't the thoughts that were keeping me occupied,but the lack of thoughts. My mind was void of anything - some kind of a numb esthesis , and all I could do was try to search thoroughly for thoughts that I expected to be there because I knew I had things that I had to think about.

"You're still not listening!" My skin crawled at Natalie's emphatic statement. I found it embarrassing enough how I had a ghost of a notion what she was saying, having nothing to do to show remorse but to apologize shamefacedly drained the little pride I had.

She got up from her seat, used the table as her new one.

"Either I'm extremely boring, or your head is somewhere else." She said.

"-and we both know that the aforementioned is impossible."

   Nothing in me told me that speaking to her would help because judgement was what I was going to receive. It is what I fear.

"I... I'm just tired." I replied, making sure that I sounded the part.

"Right," Sarcasm.

"And your coffee is still untouched."

She got me.

   —And she realised that. A fleer grew on her face when I sighed in defeat and she amusingly applauded herself on the victory. Then it occurred to me what exactly she had been doing- that was her way of breaking the ice. My smile was temporary and a sudden urge to release emotion at its extreme wore onto me.

However, the exact same way that day and night, fire and ice, dissacord and harmony contradict each other- so was the truth contradicting my idea of reality. The true reality though,was that Natalie had her eyes fixed on my lips, anxious of the words that await .

"I..." An unwitting tear left my eye. Along with the tear was a dramatic flare of pain in my heart from nowhere. It was as if I had just learnt how to feel, as if I was one with my soul again.

"Hey," Natalie said in a softer tone. Her arms reached out for my shoulders and gave them a slight pinch.

"Talk to me," She added. Her eyes burnt through my scalp until I lifted my head to face her. Her pupils had taken up a vibrant,warm golden brown. The warmth I get eyes was deposited into my heart as I felt a sense of trust between the little distance we had between us. Maybe I could trust her.

"Sorry," I tried to smile over the emotions, "I don't know why I'm crying,"

She pressed her thumb against my chin, alerting me to keep the contact between our eyes,

"I think I might've messed up," I blurted as I wiped a few tears from my cheeks.

   She looked around before she could yank me closer to give a clearer ear to what I was about to say. Her eyes grew even larger when I took a deep breath.