DRUG

Chapter 5~B

"Need a ride?"

   She asked once her window had rolled down completely. Her wry expression became an apologetic smile at the same time her words were sinking into me. I thought I had lost her completely after my confession but somehow, it had slipped my mind throughout the course of the day. Seeing her reminded me that I needed to feel.

   I cleared my head of any other thoughts,in preparation for the long, hard impending conversation as my feet carried me into her car. The conversation was inevitable, but in the eyes of my heart hope was visible - from a distance it could be seen. The only obstacle, though was the thick ice between Natalie and I. It would be for a moment, yes, as always, but it was the coldest we have ever had to experience. I stole a glimpse of her as she drove and could easily make up her thoughts through the hints of her nervous movements. She squinted her eyes when the sun shone directly onto her the moment she made a turn towards the direction of sunset - the side of town where I lived. This area was a favourite to those who loved to watch nature occurring without the 'hindrance of man's pollution' , as Chris would state.

One wouldn't see the beauty of sunset until the setting of the sun is what one wanted - for the day to come to an end.

"So, how are you holding up, with everything?" The confidence in her voice was beclouded as she casted the first stone onto the ice wall between us.

"I don't know. Good, I guess. You must be very upset," I said sheeply.

"I'm sorry about the way I reacted, I was just really-"

"Flabbergasted, I know." I deliberately completed her sentence.

   She smiled apologetically at me before giving my shoulder a tight squeeze. At the same time, her own shoulders dropped when she realised that I understood the reason for her reaction. I shook off the little fury I had towards her for being judgemental after promising not to be, I was in no position to be the one to fire the gun nevertheless.

"Its just that I thought the problem was Chris all this time, I wasn't expecting... This. And I thought with the way you feel about infidelity, you wouldn't dare. " Her eyes caught mine several times as she spoke.

"He is the problem," I defended myself.

"But, you're the one being unfaithful," She responded timidly making sure to watch her tone as she did so.

"Who is this guy, anyway?" She squeezed in the question but I chose to ignore it.

"I didn't just wake up one day and decide to cheat on him, Natalie. I was pushed by his distant behaviour." I justified myself.

"You're saying it like he held a gun to your head or something," she said wryly and refrained her wry expression the moment it hit her that I had feelings, vulnerable ones.

"I'm just saying that maybe you're being a little affirmative over your actions," she consoled me with a lighter but piercing statement that left me speechless still. My eyes wandered to the far end of the road and my heart yearned to see my apartment appear into sight. It had had enough daggers stuck into it for the day, so much that it began to hysterically bleed - tears. As if the tears rolling down my cheeks had sent an electric shock to Natalie's feet, she savagely drove off of the road and parked there.

"Dani," she suspired once my named rolled off her tongue. I was pried lovingly into a hug on that note and could helplessly watch as the valves of my soul broke loose. Tears that were on the surface flooded out, even exposing those that were hidden, not even I knew of them.

"Hey, its okay." She abducted my body away from her and allowed me to look into her eyes. As much as she tried to hide her disappointment towards my frailty, I could see right through her. Her effort though, was priceless - I thought to myself as I cleared the tear trails on my warm cheeks and knitted a smile up. She drew me in once again for an attenuated hug.

"You're right, I'm a weak idiot for blaming him for my infedility." I admitted between sobs, my cheeks becoming warmer and stinging sharper because I couldnt handle the truth.

"Don't be so hard on your-"

"I'll be fine," I answered her doubting conscience that was evident in the way she scanned me.

"I know you will. You and Chris are made for each other, you know that, right?" She spoke with certainty, but glared at me with a contradictory expression.

"Yeah," I blew her dramatics off.

"He's an understanding guy, I'm sure he knows that you didn't mean to hurt him." She added unwittingly while nodding.

"Yeah," I dragged the words out of my mouth after a while. "He doesn't know about t-this so-"

"Danielle!" She faintly said and let her face droop into her palms the moment she was satisfied with staring defeatedly at me . Its like I had fired another shot, one she had least expected. At this time, my apartment was a glimpse away and relief located me, for once I didn't want to spend another second with Natalie. All of a sudden her presence made me feel convicted.

"He doesn't need to know about this, our marriage is already vulnerable and this won't make it any better." I said. Her eyes fell on me heavily, with disbelief of my words stressed in them.

"- and besides, we're fixing things." I added insecurely as I made sure to look anywhere but into her eyes.

"I guess, but Dani, you do know that honesty is the key to a healthy relationship right?" She spoke with tainted wisdom.

   I nodded briefly before stepping out of the car. A sarcastic question as to why she was still single or not happily settled since she seemed to know so much about relationships was burning the tip of my tongue, but I suppressed the urge to blurt it out because it would raise the unwanted.

"I need to go now," I smirked faintly and hoped that her glare would soften into a kind smile.

"This isn't over, Dani." She intimidatingly assured from behind the wheel.

   I kept a smile on and waved sheeply at her as I walked away. I felt like a student again,walking out of an exam room after being cooked and scoffed by an exam. A burden, however, was lifted off my shoulders because the guilt of a dark secret wasn't carried by me only, but with someone I trusted, although her reaction was besieging.

For some reason, and to my aid, she wasn't set on who it was that I had an affair with, I wasn't surprised though because her eyes were only filled with disbelief of the fact that I, of all people was capable of being dishonest. What can I say... Even priests lust and lie, the only difference is the level of guilt and the fervent impulsion to repent. As for me,I've repented but it isn't a walk in the park.

In fact, Nate was all I had in mind.