DRUG

Chapter~7A

I called his name, his eyes lashed against mine from behind his thick spectacles.

"Talk to me, please?" What used to be my sound voice took the character of a subtle breeze.

His shadow repelled against the morning sunlight peeking through the curtains of our room, when he drew his gaze away in disinterest and made his hands of other use. His reaction was no better than that of last night, except this one had no words involved. Even with that, I couldn't tell the measure of his anger.

"Chris, I'm sorry." I took a step closer to him, he paid no attention to my voice and the space between us only grew ironically  colder. As much as his gaze was buried into the dark face of the closet, I could spot the discomfort and fret in him when he avoided my presence. His movement became wilder by the moment, taking another step closer didn't seem like a wise take. He grabbed a hold of his clothes and stormed towards the door, but couldn't leave before glaring one last time at me.

"You're unbelievable, you know?" He spat out. His rage turned into an aggressive chuckle when he couldn't find the exact words to express himself.

"I didn't mean it, please just-"

"Like hell you didn't, Danielle. Yet you stared right into my eyes as you spoke," His voice deepened and he restlessly struggled to fix his position and looked anywhere but at me as he tensely buttoned his shirt. His body had become so much more trim than the last time I'd paid attention to it that his shirt was a size too small.

How on earth didn't I realize this?

"Chris, just please calm down. Please!" My voice cracked as I uttered, "I'm trying to explain why I sa-"

"Don't tell me to calm down!" He raised his voice even louder then lunges his fist aggressively against the door.

"You'll hurt yourself," I subtly said behind shivering skin. I felt the need to cover my mouth as I spoke, it had already done much damage. It was not like Chris to resolve to violence, atleast not with me. Maybe I'd never pushed him over his limit.

"I go an extra mile for you, every damn time, Danielle. Everything you've ever needed, I give to you but-"

"Chris!"

"- but all of that leads you to thinking that I'm... I'm being unfaithful?" He spoke. Each word was a bolt of lightning, each stronger than the aforesaid.

"You're not listening to me, please just..." My voice couldn't compete with the dominance of he's.

"I've listened much too much, and all you say is bullshit, Danielle. I don't understand your damn logic!" In the same tone , he said.

Just, stay quiet.

"It's like my effort is disregarded, every damn time and in every damn thing I try to do." He kept blurting out his rage.

"Yeah, thats right I've said it. You're so damn unthankful and selfish. I keep sucking up to the shit you do to me, to us! All because I'd never want to hurt you even with the truth." He continued, voice so loud that his words were sharp enough to leave me wounded. All that he said didnt miss my ear and heart.

"Then you say I'm cheating, me! I have never even touched a single woman with the nail on my pinkie since I commited to you." In between heavy breaths, he kept dropping heavier words.

"And for the record, I've been trying to hold this family together because you're not even trying. Hell! We only sleep together under your terms, when you've had a bad day! Don't think I havent noticed, Danielle."

After a while of cursing, his breathing became softer and eyebrows dropped when his eyes landed on my shivering body. He had become so overwhelmed with anger that any words that came out of my mouth were an insult. It was almost like all the anger and pain that had been accumulating in his heart from different occasions was being unleashed, all at once. His eyes were a shadow of - blue and grey , watery bittersweet - disappointment, with me and maybe with himself as well for ever allowing his heart to belong to someone so much that he had no control over what he felt.

"All I try to do is love you, but you fight me every step of the way. Why?" He asked rhetorically, these words tore through my heart, they were an epitome of all that he had angrily said this whole morning.

Here was a lie that was meant to fix my world, but turned out to shatter his. Had I become so addicted to lying? Although my accusations weren't real, they felt real because of how real they were to him. How does it feel to have your effort and faith ripped apart by a lie? That was a question I'd never answer. I understood his frustration and for this reason, no words were fit to represent the remorse in my heart.

I felt selfish, I was selfish and he confirmed it.

The only solution was to confess that I had been lying, but even the solution was going to make things worse. All I could do was hope that I didn't lose him because of my impulsive choice of words, it was hard to tell.

Trust was a major factor to Chris, that I had just learned in a few seconds of staring at him. His face had become a combination of multiple emotions that I had no idea I could trigger, with only a few words.

This could only be love, wounded love.

"I don't know what to say." I swallowed deep and allowed a tear to roll down my cheek.

"I know one thing." He swallowed hard and with teary eyes spoke.

"What you shouldn't have said at that alter is 'I do' if you distrust me this much."

Those were his words before my heart skipped a beat. They filled the room and weighed down the atmosphere, making it hard for me to breath or see through the tears that had blurred my sight. Had I been able to even recall the exact way I felt when I agreed to be his wife, I wouldn't be as guiltstruck. I wanted to scream in his face that I didn't mean it but I couldn't stay in his presence for another second.

Maybe things weren't beyond repair.

*