DRUG

Chapter 8~A

"You hungry?

This was all Nate had said to me in the duration of us being casually together. Somehow, he was able to manipulate what he felt, if there were even any feelings at all under that frown, suit and tie.

How he could , at one second, be in the same awkward sphere with me then - in the next - easily kill the storm in his eyes just to discuss business was an apprehensive mystery to me. I however chose not to convict myself of being incapable of triggering emotion in him as much as he could in me,

I had worse emotions to feel, and Chris to pour myself out to. I guess my raw self was all that my conscience would find worthy of his ear and attention tonight, and I was going to give him just that. I couldn't take the guilt anymore. I couldn't hold my peace of mind against its will any longer.

In the silence, with only the car engine responding to Nate's foot's pressure on the breaks, I could pick up thick, frustrated moans from under his breath of the situation at hand;

We had hit the peak hour traffic and although none of us were necesarrily in a race against time, we simultaneuosly consulted our wrists for the clock's time. We both didnt want to be here.

"I should've taken the same route we used earlier," Nate thought out loud as he scanned the row of cars ahead - that squeezing a hopeless sigh out of him.

"So," he turned his attention unpreferably at me. I could see, from the corner of my eye, the discomfort in his face.

"Are you going to talk to me, or is this going to be one long, awkward wait?" He cleared his throat.

"The speech went really well," I managed to speak in a consistent voice. My inside felt so dry and void of anything that the thought of talking threatened to bring back the stinging feeling of guilt. But once I did speak, nothing really happened. It was like being anxious over nothing.

"Really?" He replied.

"Well, yeah. As usual-"

"No," He interrupted me,

"I meant, really - is that what you want to discuss right now?" He sounded offended by my choice to be stronger than I was supposed to be.

"You and I aren't friends, Nate. All there is to discuss is work." I gathered up enough arrogance to roll my eyes at him.

I watched him silently stiffen his jaw, and waited for a word from him until my anticipation died. I internally absorbed the graceful esthesis of victory.

"You know, " he released a rigorous breath of air and continued; "How you always find a way to blame me for this... this thing that we do - is beyond me."

For a moment, my pride urged me to keep the deliberate ignorance going, but I couldn't turn a blind eye to the fact that Nate, Nate the Heartless was commenting on how he felt about my actions. I could perceive that he was perturbed even through the detached expression he wore across his face.

"I don't see how you are not to blame for all this." I handed it to him.

He spoke through clenched teeth, yet his words were just as his vexed heart was. They both were eminent -

And he was vulnerable. "I don't force myself onto you or anyone, Dani, I'm no rapist."

"Define rape." I remarked demeaningly and waited for no response before adding,

"You, Nate, are a duke at words and you know it. And whether you forced yourself onto me physically, or with your slick words- it makes no difference."