Love is Complicated

Finding Good Amidst the Bad

I stare at the ceiling for almost an hour, feeling my body being drained of energy and exhaustion taking its place. They had taken me back to my room, and tried to convince me that everything was going to be fine. I had been crying out for Caleb or Rosa for over thirty minutes, but it just made the pain worse. Something's wrong. With me at least. No one will tell me about my little girl. I was swallowed by fear, and I could only think about the worse outcome. My eyes grow heavy and the exhaustion tries to act out, but I have to be awake when Caleb walks in. I guess I lost track of time and before I knew it Caleb slowly enters. I turn my head towards him, noticing the weight on his shoulders and the redness in his eyes.
"Five pounds even." His voice is broken from fear-ridden actions and it almost scares me. Tears pour out, "Healthy as bear." He adds while a smile spreads onto his lips and he continues over to my side. "She's going to be fine. She's has gorgeous brown hair, just like her mother." I laugh and he grips my now small and fragile hand into his warm and strong hold.
"Healthy." I repeat. "She's healthy."
"Are you?" Caleb's eyes flicker with worry and I smile weakly.
"She's okay. Our little baby girl is going to be okay."
"Isabelle?" His worry becomes worse by the second. I start feeling light headed and weaker by the minute.
"I have a healthy baby girl, with a healthy husband." I gurgle, my body naturally going into pain mode. Suddenly I start feeling liquid on my thigh, and Caleb notices too. He pulls back my blanket and I feel the cold air hit my legs.
"Doctor!" Caleb frantically yells.
"When can I see my healthy baby girl?" I gurgle once more. People rush in and the room spins, and all I hear is Caleb's voice.
"Why is she bleeding? Is anyone going to answer me? Tell me what you're doing with my wife! What's wrong with her?" Question after question. I was out of the loop. I felt as if I was on drugs, but I wasn't....
"Rosa, page Rosa!" A doctor yells out.
"Tell me what's going on!" Caleb stays at my side, refusing to stop asking.
"I have such a devoted husband." I turn to the nurse, "Don't you think so?" She instantly laughs, which makes me laugh. But my laughter is cut short when a pain shoots through my ribs and stomach. Suddenly I turn to the side of the bed, coughing. When I finally open my eyes I notice the hint of blood on my sheets. "Well, that's not good."

***

"You are in the stage of hemorrhage." The doctor stands at the end of my bed. Rosa had rushed in and did her magic. Apparently I was high off pain... Which I didn't know was possible. My body had went into a defense mode, that was trying to save me from the pain. Wish it would've done that during the labor portion. I lower my head, knowing exactly what he was talking about.
"What does that mean?" Caleb is shaking, but refusing to let go of my hand.
"I'm bleeding. A lot." I answer for my doctor. "More than I should be right now." He looks impressed, "I studied when I got nervous or worried."
"Mrs. Thompson is correct, but the definition of a lot is off. We didn't catch it in enough time." He paused, "Which leads to the extra blood that seems to be coming up your throat."
"Well, what's next? What do we do next?" Caleb asks, keeping that positive attitude that has not always been there. I let out a quivering breath, knowing from my studies that these situations don't end well.
"I'm sorry; the only thing we can do is make you comfortable." The doctor let's out easily, as if he's told this news more than it should be told.
"Wait- you're just going to let her die?" Caleb gets angry.
"There's nothing we can do-"
"This is my wife! I can't live without her! I can't breathe without her! I certainly can't raise a child without her!"
"Caleb-"
"You have to do something!" He grabs ahold of the doctors scrub top.
"Caleb!" I weakly yell, feeling the toll it takes on my body. He blinks several times before letting him go and coming back to my side. He hangs his head, pulling his hands through his hair.
"There's nothing we can do." The doctor says, and I go to grip Caleb hand, but he dodges it. "Through certain drugs we can keep your pain tolerance down so your body doesn't kick in."
"So, I'll just bleed out?" My voice fails at being strong.
"Basically, but it won't be painful. You'll just get weak, and tired."

***

"You called?" Ella knocks on the room door.
"Yes, I did." I answer, leading her farther into the room. She pulls back to curtain and smiles when she sees my face.
"Something's happened and y'all won't tell anyone." Ella sits down in the chair next to my bed.
"Yeah. Caleb won't talk to me. But, I'll tell you later."
"Please tell me you're clothed." Justins voice is behind the curtain.
"We're clear." Ella looks up at me, and I smile innocently.
"Good, cause there was this one time when I walk in on Ella and- OH hey babe." He shoots me a glance as he kisses the top of her head.
"First off, don't ever start a conversation like that with me. I do not want to know that much about you two." Justin swallows and grows cold under my sister stare. "Secondly, I brought you two her for a reason." I narrow my eyes at Ella, "Have anything to say?"
"Now? As in right now?" She freezes, trying to ignore Justin's confused look.
"We made a deal. I made it through that painful birth, so yes, now." I smile, knowing deep down I was going to ruin everything when I came clean about it all later. She sighs and stands up, reading herself for this conversation I've been waiting to hear.
"Justin I have to tell you something." His eyes become more clouded with confusion.
"I told you there's no backing out of this now, we're married." He automatically spits out. "You're stuck with me." He smiles.
"No. I'm not talking about that! I'd never do such a thing!"
"Sorry, you just have that 'I'm scared to tell you' look in your eyes. And it freaks me out sometimes because I don't know whether you found a dead body, or if you brought home a cat that you know I don't want in our apartment-"
"I'm not bringing home a cat," he let's out a breath, "but I will be bringing home a baby in about nine months...."
"Wait? Wh-"
"I'm pregnant, Justin."
"You're pregnant." He repeats, not making any movements.
"I'm pregnant." She says once more.
"You're pregnant!" He shouts, a smile spreading over his lips. He picks her up in his arms, and twirls her around.
"It's a boy!"
"I'm gonna be a dad!"
"And an excellent one at that." I giggle.
"Oh, Izzy! I'm already an Uncle, but now I get to be a dad! Why didn't you tell me how amazing this feels?" he takes my hands and sits on the side of my bed. I swallow the uprising tears;
"I wanted you to find out on your own." I smile, feeling deep down how I'm just going to rip this happiness away. He envelopes me into his big brother hug, but as I hold onto him, Ella notices my reaction, and see's my tears. Now I'm more than sure she knows how bad this really is.

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Thank you for reading!

Sorry, for the emotional rollercoaster, but it's just that type of story :/

- Emuna_Jasmine