Love is Complicated

I will Always Love You, Isabelle Thompson

"You've been avoiding me, haven't you?" Caleb stands at the doorway.
"I can't say goodbye to you." He whispers, sadness sticking to him.
"I don't expect you to."
"I'm sorry. I'm your husband, I should be beside you all the way, not run and hide when it gets worse." Caleb comes closer, but not all the way.
"You're also a husband who is dealing with the thought of losing your wife."
"You know I never told you, but when I was in that coma I could hear you." He finally comes over and sits in the chair next to me. "I heard you cry, I heard you laugh, and even a joke or two. It's weird, because you're the only one I remember hearing. I don't remember my mother, or Justin. Just you." I'm shocked. I would've never known that he heard me when I needed him the most, but he 'medically' couldn't hear me. Caleb scoots onto the edge of his seat, taking my hand. "Isabelle, you will never know how much you have changed me; for the better. You have been a miracle to me that others don't get to have in their lifetime."
"Do me a favor." I look deeper into his eyes, readying myself for this.
"Anything." He freely spits out.
"Don't name her after me." The 'her' in this being obvious.
"Do me a favor in return." He comes back, faster then I thought.
"Anything... If I can." I look around, knowing my limits.
"You name her." I'm speechless, feeling emotions bubble up.
"But you've seen her... I haven't." Cakeb smiles and yells a lady's name.
"I can't just let you never see your daughters face." A nurse pulls back the curtain and walks in with a smile, but my eyes don't focus long on her. In her arms she held a precious little baby. "And now you have too." Wrapped in a pink blanket, I could still hear little gurgling noises. Caleb let's go of my hand and the nurse hands her over to me.
"Awe." I purr, tears filling my eyes. "You're so gorgeous." My finger gently strokes her little cheek. Her eyes flutter open and I see her beautiful green eyes that came from her father. I look up at Caleb, a smile plastered on my lips. "She looks just like you."
"That's funny, cause to me, she looks like you." He smiles, and I look back at my daughter. "Okay, I'll pick the first name; you chose the middle name."
"Deal." He nods, eagerness showing on his facial features. I study her face, thinking about the hundreds of names I had listed in my head specially for her. When she started to cry, I saw a little tear roll from her cheek. Once I calmed her down, I wiped away her one, little tear drop... and then it hit me.
"Rayne."
"As in R-A-I-N?" He spells out, uncertainty and confusion in his voice.
"No silly. R-A-Y-N-E." I correct him.
"Why Rayne?" He smiles.
"Because I know you're going to make it through the rain when I'm gone. And you're going to have a reason, and she's right here."
"I love you." He smiles, before standing and kissing my forehead. Then he grips our baby's little fingers and whispers her name over and over.

***

"I'm sorry they had to take her back...." Caleb lowers his head.
"It's okay, I don't really want her in here for this part." I grab his hand, feeling the numbness sweep over my body. Exhaustion starts to take it's toll, but I refuse to show it. Caleb keeps his head down, and I place my hand on top of his head. "How are you. Seriously."
"Not good." He laughs nervously, lifting his head, which showed his tears spilling onto his cheeks.
"Caleb, I'm so sorry for putting you through this. I'm trying... I really am."
"I just can't let you go! You're the only one I want to wake up next to in the mornings and lay down beside at night. You're the reason I'm still breathing and I don't know if I can, or even want to, without you." I start crying, really not wanting him to see me cry. "I can't raise a child on my own, I don't know how!"
"Nobody does until they have too, Silly." I smile through my flowing tears. He starts to gently wipe them away, before grabbing my hand.
"I've already asked the Lord for me to take your place."
"What?" I sit up, my toes going numb.
"I-"
"No. No no no no no." I narrow my eyes, "No."
"Isabelle-"
"No Caleb! I would never want to see you go through this! It's painful, to see your family and friends for the last time. Telling them that everything's going to be alright, when I don't really know that! I'm so tired of crying today! And out of everyone, I did not want to cry in front of you the most, but what's the point. I'm basically saying goodbye to you..." I start to sob, losing control. Caleb stands up and crawls into the hospital bed with me. He holds me, comforting my shaking body (at least the part that can shake...).
"I'm sorry. You must be going through a crap load of... Well crap, and I'm just adding to it."
"No, you're making it better." I somehow smile. "Plus you're basically going through the same thing."
"But I'm not the one... Leaving." He chooses, making it sound less depressing.
"Caleb," I look up at him, placing my fingers gently against his cheek. "You're going to get through this." He starts shaking his head. "Yes, you are. You know why? Because I want you to. I want you to raise her, without moping about me. I want you to live to see tomorrow. I want you to be able to be happy without me. To move on, even if it takes a while." His eyes crunch together.
"What? Move on? How- I could never do that."
"Rayne will need a mother," Tears roll once more, "whether it's me, or not."
"I'm not talking about this with you." He looks away, but I keep going.
"You deserve to have someone to make you happy."
"You make me happy." He looks back at me.
"But I'm... Leaving." I steal his word. I pull apart enough for me to take in his whole face, "Look, you're the most amazing guy I have ever met, and nothing and no one can change how much I love you, but you can't be alone for the rest of your life! You taught me how to love again, you need to teach someone else too." It goes silent.
"You know what I keep thinking about?" He pauses, looking up at the wall in front of my bed. "Our wedding day. When I saw you, it was as if I'd seen you for the very first time. You were more gorgeous than I remembered, you were more clumsy than I remembered, and I can still remember your smile. You tried to hide it, and when I made you cry during our vows, I counted ever tear I saw. I studied your face, as if I would drop the next second. I wasn't dreaming about out honeymoon, or what we had planned. I wasn't thinking about my jobs, or my bills... I was picturing my life with you. I was thinking about the family we would raise... Together." He looks back at me. "Everything is falling out of place. Its all... Falling apart. I'm... Falling apart." Silent tears start falling down my cheeks, "I honestly don't think I can live, let alone breathe, without you. Everything will remind me of you... I smell your scent, see your photos, see your clothes and jewelry, wear my Converse, (whether they're mine or not I'll think of you) smell your favorite lotions... See our child...."
"I know it will be hard," My voice croaks, exhaustion really hitting me. "But you have to promise me, that you'll try-" My eye lids struggle to stay open, "-try to live, and to Love. Try to love our daughter, the way you love me. Can you promise me that?" I weakly smile, as we hold hands. Feeling almost at peace in his arms, the warmth I feel from his palm's starting to go away.
"I promise. I promise Isabelle." Tears flood his cheeks, yet he keeps a smile.
"Keep smiling Caleb Thompson." I feel as if I can't stay awake. "I love you." I release, feeling my body start to slow down.
"I will always love you, Isabelle Thompson." I hear his voice, along with his firm hands round my body holding me, but they start to fade away. I study his face, muscle and hair, in place and out of place. I fixate on his features until I can't concentrate anymore. Almost as if in an instant, I'm sleep. I'm okay though. I know there are a million things I wish I could've done, but thanks to Caleb, I did most of them. I know I won't raise my child, or see her grow up, but I know she's in good hands. The same hands he held me with, are now going to hold Rayne. My sweet little baby girl.
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Thanks for reading!

Say goodbye to Isabelle.... •_•
I'm really sad to let her go, but I think it's for the best. c:

- Emuna_Jasmine