Love is Complicated

Goodbyes

"Jackson. Katie." I smile as I see them enter my room.
"Hey." Katie smiles sadly.
"This is going to be hard," I drag out my breath, while weakly positioning myself more upright. "But I want you two to know."
"Is this going to explain why Caleb is switching from a crying machine to an angry mob in two seconds?" Jackson asks, "and by angry mob, I mean the entire mob, not just someone participating in the mob."
"Yes, this will explain everything."
"Iz, we've been friends since I can remember, just tell me and we'll get through this. Together." Katie grips my hand.
"I'm dying." I let out. They both freeze. "I have a hemorrhage, and it's too far along to stop." Katie breaks down, turning to Jackson.
"What exactly is a hemorrhage?" Jackson swallows, holding his wife.
"She's bleeding excessively." Katie answers against his chest.
"I have until tomorrow, maybe tonight..." My eyes blur, but I push them down. I can do this. "I'm sorry, but I want to tell everyone separately. I don't think I can handle it emotionally all at once."
"It's okay." Katie pulls away from Jackson and grabs my hand again. "You do what you need to do. I will do the same." She wipes more tears away before slowly walking to the hallway.
"Watch after her, please."I ask Jackson.
"I will."

***

"Are you going to tell me what's going on with you, or not?" Ella barks. She's been sitting in my room, reading a magazine, as I try to conjure up enough courage to tell her the news.
"I'm trying..." I play with my fingers, twisting and turning them, "Ella, do you remember why you dumped Jerk- Face from Minnesota?"
"Because he hit on you. And correction, he was Jerk- Face Fiancé."
"You know I wasn't scared at all to tell you what he had done. I've always felt as if I could tell you everything, but right now... I don't know."
"Just tell me anyways." She puts down the book, and comes closer to the bed.
"I have a hemorrhage."
"What's that?"
"I'm bleeding, more than a lot."
"How long do you have?" Ella's voice gets tighter and she looks away.
"Maybe tomorrow; they're thinking tonight." Tears fall onto her cheeks, and she stays silent.
"That's why you made me tell Justin."
"Technically, I made it through the labor, I just won't last any longer."
"I had prepared myself for this, but now that I thought you were in the clear, I got my hopes up as usual." Ella lays her head down on my bed sheets.
"You know you are my best friend, right?"
"Besides Caleb, yes, I know." She pushes out a little laugh, and so do I.
"I know he needs time to process everything, but I just want to lay in his arms; that's all I can think about."
"Thinking about your husband while your best friend is sitting next to you. Shame." Ella teases and we both laugh.
"Thank you." I let out, knowing there is more to it.
"For what? Making you feel worse?"
"No, for laughing. I know you, you're probably holding it all in right now, wondering when you can run out of here and break down. I'm basically saying goodbye to everyone I love, so it's kinda hard to keep the tears in. But you. You made me laugh. You, yourself laughed. My last memory of you will be laughing. That's the best thing I could ask of from you."

***

"Leo, I saw him kicking the vending machine. And then he broke down in tears! It was heart breaking but I don't know how to comfort him because I don't know what's wrong!"
"I can tell you wants wrong." I giggle hearing those two bicker behind the curtain. They slowly enter,
"Hey, daughter-n-law." Leo plays cool and gently grips my hand.
"I'm just going to be straight-up with you guys." They share a glance before agreeing. "I have a hemorrhage."
"Oh, my!" Hillary gasps, sitting on the side of my bed.
"Have you had one?"
"I did with Caleb, but they found it in time."
"You mean, you're bleeding out?" Leo interrupts.
"Yes. I won't be able to take you shopping anymore." I giggle, knowing it was going to be easier with them.
"Obviously Caleb isn't taking this well." Hilary hangs her head.
"He's about to lose his wife. I don't expect him to just be fine." I speak up.
"I know. I'd be doing the same thing if we were under these circumstance." Leo admits.

***

"Mama," I greet as she walks through the curtain.
"I can't believe they won't let you see your baby. That's just wrong."
"Mommy." I giggle, feeling a little of an energy eraser wash over me. "I'm trying to tell you something."
"Okay, I'm sorry dear. Go on." She sits down, and looks expectantly at me.
"This is harder then I wanted it to be:" I sit up straighter, clearing my throat. "I know we haven't always been close, and that's my fault, but I want you to know that I feel like all that time we missed together, is payed back. I don't think we have ever been closer Mama."
"You think so?" Mom smiles.
"But mom, it's coming to an end." I break down, tears spilling onto my cheeks. "I really wanted to get through this!" I wipe them away before proceeding. "I have a hemorrhage." She breaks down, then I break down. We're both in tears and we both can't stop. "I'm sorry mom, for everything I have put you through." I struggle through the sobs.
"Dear, I'd go through it all again just because it's you." She cups my cheek and we both smile.

***

"You just can't get enough of me, can you?" Justin smiles when he comes into the room. I stay silent, already feeling the tears swell at his voice. "Isabelle?" He snaps his fingers in front of my face.
"Have I thanked you for everything you've done for me?" I look up at him.
"All the time." He smiles.
"You gave up everything. You're collage career, you're future. Even Marie."
"But without you, I'd never met Ella. She's the one for me, I was blinded when I was engaged with Marie. Plus, my sister needed me and if a woman can't handle her man taking care of his little sister, then so long." He takes his imaginary bat and swings, looking as if he couldn't see where it had landed before switching his eyes onto me.
"I've always felt as if I've taken it all from you."
"Trust me, you have not taken anything." He sits down, "But can you maybe explain why Ella and mom are moping? And why is Caleb sobbing?" I look at my brother, the only blood relative I let help me. I feel the tears and I don't even try to hide from him.
"I can't do this with you!" I start trying to wipe away my tears that started brushing down my cheeks.
"Something is really wrong, isn't it?" Justin looks down, my feelings of tearing him apart erupting.
"Yeah." I let out an unsteady sigh.
"You can tell me, you know. You can tell me anything." He meets my eyes, pure honesty radiating off him.
"I'm eventually going to bleed out." I whisper, a weight laying on my shoulders. His eyes widen and tears flood through. His face turns pale and his hands start shaking.
"It's happening again." He breaks down; tears finding their own trail to create on his cheeks. He lowers his head, not allowing me to see his face, or his tears. "There is a possibility that you might...die... and I have no control over it."
"Justin." I cry out, grabbing my brothers shaking hand. "I don't know how to comfort you... It's usually the other way around." I laugh, nervously.
"Just let me hold my little sister."

***

"Daddy, come on in here." I call in. When I see him appear, I notice his scraggy appearance. His eyes were red and puffy, shoulders dragging, and his whole body looked as if he had been through it.
"Hey, Babygirl...." He tried to smile, but I could see the heart break.
"You know." He nods.
"You can't just tell your mother and expect me to let her cry without me knowing why." His voice has a tease limping on the back.
"I'm sorry, daddy."
"Baby girl, you have nothing to be sorry about."
"I'm trying to hold on, I promise!"
"I don't doubt it." He smiles sadly, sitting on the edge of the bed. His smile starts to fade, and I open my arms up. I envelope him into a hug, knowing my daddy is emotional and needs one.
"You always try to be the up lifting one, now is the time to let it go. I'm here to hold you, daddy, not the other way around."
"Oh. My sweet girl..." He pulls away, "You'll always be my little girl."
"And you'll always be my daddy."
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Thank you for reading!

Sorry....
Just sorry for the recent sadness....
My best friend is like totally mad at me right now because of the way I'm gonna end this... ^-^ Cowgirl_Bells

- Emuna_Jasmine