Closure (Karkat X Reader)

Chapter 19

***Karkat's POV***
I head over to the shopping carts with my head down, not wanting to look at anyone or anything whatsoever. Once my destination is in sight, I sharply turn and beeline directly to the mens restroom instead. The space seems unoccupied, so I don't bother to be quiet and slam the stall door behind me, haphazardly securing the rusty lock.
My breath hitches and quickens.
My vision narrows and blurs as I stumble onto the dirty toilet.
I fumble in my pocket until my hand traces the cool edge of a razor, and I breathe a sigh of relief with the knowledge of its disgusting security.
Quickly, I pull down my jeans and stare at my bare legs. My once uneven breath is now pacing itself, and I am finally given the ability to think. Why am I doing this? What the hell is wrong with you, Karkat? God fucking dammit. You useless fuck, put the goddamn razor away and get back to your miserable excuse for living.
Tears well up, and I let them fall onto my exposed skin. I can't think stright, I can't see straight... my mind is all over the place, its sole focus on relieving the jumble of thoughts with the slice of the blade.
I hold a staring contest, my pigmented eyes darting from the skin to the blade and from the blade to skin to skintobladeskintobladeandback.
I hesitate, seeing the new but scabbed cuts below me. I didn't decide to pick the habit back up, did I? No. It was a relapse, that's all. Just a relapse.
Stop it. You don't need this. Just get the shopping cart back to y/n like you were supposed to in the first place.
I inhale deeply and pull my pants up, carefully waltzing out of the dirty stall and out of the restroom. Once I'm out, I see that the world is still turning, that people are still going about their day, and that I am the only one alive who has the memory of the scene previously mentioned. It's hard to believe that something so emotionally draining is only in my frame of reference, and that the impact the memory has on me isn't at all affecting anyone else.
After grabbing a cart, I wheel over to the same aisle I left y/n. She looks up from her cereal box inspection with a face way less cheery than normal.
"What took you so long?" She asks, plopping a box of Frosted Flakes into the blue cart.
"I had to use the, umm, restroom." I reply with a noticeable grimace. She frowns and leads me to the bread section.
"You're acting really weird, Karkat. Are you sure you're okay?" She questions again with genuine concern. I nod, forcing out a sort of smile. She sighs, turning to the food and grabbing a few more items before moving on.
I look after her with sad eyes and pause for a second, thinking about how she would react if she knew. I picture her horrified face that would forever scar my memories; her permanent hurt over something that would be completely and totally due to me. But I force myself to shake away the feeling and catch up to her footsteps easily, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to help decrease the doubt over my mood. She tenses, as if forgetting our new status, but eases her muscles quickly. I sigh with relief.

***Readers POV***

​​​​ Looking up to Karkat, I see that his eyes are filled with an unrecognizable emotion that turns what was remaining of my mood off completely. I inwardly sigh, but continue onto the rest of the store without mentioning it, grabbing a few boxes of Nutrigrain bars before reaching the spaghetti section.
I look through the boxes, trying to discern the best tasting brand away from the shitty ones, and grab the fanciest looking box. My eyes keep darting over to Karkat, seeing if his mood will cheer up even in the slightest. It doesn't.
"Karkat, I know you're acting strange but can you please hust tell me why?" I ask in his direction. He just shakes his head with an attempt at smiling.
"Sory, y/n. I'm just, I... I'm..." his voice trails off awkwardly.
"You're what?" His face contorts, as if trying o figure out how he should phrase this.
"I'm really worried about my brother. I know his job is making him really stressed, and he has us to look after, and I just really want him to calm the fuck down and stop worrying all of the damn time." I see his chest visibly falll in relief, and mine does the same after. I had no clue that his worry was so focused on Kankri, but now it all makes a lot more sense.
"It's okay, Karkat, I understand! I just saw that you were acting strange, and I had no clue what was wrong." I say, relieved. He gives an uneasy smile and a shaky laugh, putting his arm back in place around my shoulders.