To You, Who I May Never See

Irony; The False Hope

Its funny. Right after I start writing this the nightmares change. They're worse. Now I'm not the one in pain. Last night the dream was different. I was on an island. It was small. Only able to fit me. And the water around me was so vivid and blue. There was land though in the distance. All around. But just on the horizon. To far to get to.

And then there was the sky. Purple. It was hard to describe. It was... looming kind of. Evil. Like the sky itself was watching me. It was dark and there were clouds. They were gray but not... normal gray. I can't explain it.

Then the land started to get closer. It began to close in on my island. Until I could see something on the land. A huge... monster. And everyone knows how much I hate the term monster. There was no other way to describe it. It was part organic and part mechanic. I could see the gears and the poles moving around inside of it. The horns coming out of the head and... then I saw something.

The horns were twisted and wrapped around someone holding them in a crucifix. It looked like it was draining every bit of their strength. They looked so hopeless and defeated. And they looked down at me with utter pain written across their face. It was you. "I'm sorry." You said. "Run."

But I couldn't. And the land stopped approaching there was only a little distance between me and the mainland in all directions. The beast caging you laughed at me. "Well? What are you going to do?" It said. Its voice was terrible.

I began to walk into the water to get to the land. But it was too deep. Just one step in would be a trench. And there was a current going down. I wanted to try. I almost did. And then came the false hope. You called to me.

I looked up and stood in the center of the island. That one word, that one nickname you gave me so long ago. Maybe you don't know how true it holds. But the fact that you called me that made me feel. It gave me that hope that you loved me.

I felt something on my back. Those wings. They were different from usual. They were crystal like my necklace. Ineffective in flying you would think. But no. They worked. I got off that island. And I flew up the that monster. And I tried like hell to bring it down. But I felt something I've never felt before. Powerless. I couldn't do a thing to it. And for once my confidence fell. I hate feeling Powerless. And then I realized that this feeling would make me lose you. And I screamed. I screamed and hit that damned monster with all my might.

No effect.

It laughed. And it raised its hand. And I saw every ounce of your strength drained from you as it gathered power in that hand. And you let out the most heartbreaking scream I've ever heard as your power was stolen from you and it hit me. I flew back past the island, and I could see your face as i felt my body break apart. "Make it stop..." You cried. But I couldn't do a thing. Everything in my body had shut down but I was still in that useless shell. And I fell into the water and was dragged down to the bottom of the water and I woke up.

And once again I woke up without you here.

I texted you. No response.

And I cried in fear that I had lost you. Maybe I did. But I never know anymore.