To You, Who I May Never See

Promises; The Things I Want That I'll Never See

Remember when we made that promise? I was around my birthday last year. You wanted to come visit me. And you said you even asked your parents. And they said yes. And holy hell did i cry. I was so excited. I'd finally get to see you. Finally. But then they said not yet. It was too close to the school year starting.

But you said something to me after that. While I was practically sobbing. You said you'd do everything to see me at Christmas and this summer. And yeah, Christmas didn't work out, but the break was barely a week long. So I can understand that. But now I'd be willing to bet all we can do won't work this summer either huh? I want to do everything in my power. And I can. I will. But it won't mean anything if there's no hope of you getting less busy.

I miss the promises we made to each other. I remember the first time we talked about getting married. That was the best night of my life I think. Then there was when you promised you'd always stay. I cried that whole night. I'm kind of annoying I guess. I can't really fault you for wanting to leave me now... But I wish you'd at least tell me you want to. And I wish you'd tell me what's going on. You said what's keeping you so busy is big... but even so you won't tell me what's so big. I know it's selfish. But I can't help it. I'm in pain. Yeah. I'll admit it now. I'm fucking hurting like crazy! And I don't know what to do about it! I wanted to be a good wife. I tried to be. But I guess you already know I'm not...

"I'm not afraid of pain
Or the things it implies
But I'm still not strong
I'm just staying alive"

It's a line from one of my translations. My favorite line to be exact. I've always held this line close. And I'll try to stick to it for as long as I can until I fall apart. Let's see how long that takes...