Someday.

4

Wishing

Bumalik na ko sa pwesto ko para kumanta ulit. Bago lang ang susunod na kanta. Alam ko na to. Kaya itatry ko.

"This next song is new. All I know is this is a 5 seconds of summer song. Who's the fan here? Taas na ng kamay." Then may isang table na nagtaasan ng kamay. All girls ang table na yun.

"Nice one girls. This song is about forgetting the past. Past na ipinangako nyo sa isa't isang walang iwanan. Walang iwanan na hindi naman natupad. Yung tipong gusto mong kalimutan na lang lahat. Agad agad. Tama na hugot. Hahaha. Ok lets start." Nagstrum na ko ng guitar. Girl version kumbaga.

I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt, the way you tasted
And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine

Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?
When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?

Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape

I'm wishing dati na sana, sana mabilis makalimot. Sana mabilis humilom ang sakit.

'Cause I'm not fine at all

The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone
I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone
And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around

It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long

It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape

If today I woke up with you right beside me
Like all of this was just some twisted dream
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before
And you'd never slip away
And you'd never hear me say

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape

'Cause I'm not fine at all
No, I'm really not fine at all
Tell me this is just a dream
'Cause I'm really not fine at all

Nagpalakpakan ang lahat lalo na yung mga nagrequest ng song. Nag excuse muli ako dahil nasakit ang lalamunan ko. Naalala ko na cold coffee nga pala ang binili ko. Malalagot ako nito kay Manager. Lumapit ako kay Manager.

"Sir, I have something to tell you." I said. Nagsusulat sya ng di ko alam kung ano.
"What is it Reen?" Sabi nya habang nagsusulat pa din.
"Ang sakit po ng lalamunan ko. Nakalimutan ko po kasi na ang binili ko palang coffee kanina, ayy kahapon pala eh Malamig na coffee. Sorry sir." Sabi ko at tumungo. Guilt. Bawal kasi talaga sa akin yun. Magagalit sya masyado.

"Oh. It's ok. Time ka na. Manuod ka muna. May bago kasing nag-apply dito eh. Wafuu neng. Panuorin mo." Nagiging puso na naman ang mata nya pag usapang wafuu.

"Ok sir." Sabi ko at humanap na ng seat. Nasa unahan ako para makita ko ang bago. Para majudge na din. Hahaha. Pagkaupo ko. Ay dumating na sya. Nagulat at nanlaki ang mata ko sa bagong salang. Napanganga ako. What the hell is he doing?!

"Ahhmm Good Morning Guys. New Guy sa Resto na to. I apply here for some reason. I want to sing this song for someone. Someone na alam kong hindi na ko kayang patawarin sa lahat ng ginawa ko. And all I can say, is I love Her. I love her in my own way. Iwish nyo na sana patawarin nya na ako."

Pinikit nya ang mga mata nya.

Sorry na kung nagalit ka di naman sinasadya
Kung may nasabi man ako init lang ng ulo
Pipilitin kong magbago pangako sa iyo

Bigla syang dumilat at tumingin sa akin. Tinitigan nya ko habang patuloy na kumakanta.

Sorry na nakikinig ka ba? Malamang sawa ka na
Sa ugali kong ito na ayaw magpatalo
At parang sirang tambutso na hindi humihinto

Sorry na talaga kung ako'y medyo tanga
Hindi ako nag-iisip na-uuna ang galit
Sorry na talaga sa aking nagawa
Tanggap ko na mali ako wag sanang magtampo
Sorry na

What is the meaning of that song for me? Srriously? Hindi nya madadaan sa sorry, sa kanta, o kahit saan pang bagay ang pagpapatawad ko. Hindi nya na mababago ang isip ko.

Sorry na wag kang madadala
Alam kong medyo nahihirapan ka
Na ibigin ang isang katulad kong parang timang
Na paulit-ulit kang hindi sadyang nasasaktan

Sorry na saan ka pupunta?
Please naman wag kang mawawala
Kapag ako ay iwan mo mamamatay ako
Pagkat hawak mo sa iyong kamay ang puso ko

Mahal kita sobrang mahal kita
Wala na akong pwedeng sabihin pang iba
Kundi sorry talaga di ko sinasadya
Talagang sobrang mahal kita
Wag kang mawawala
Sorry na

No. All I want to say is No. Umalis na ko ng Resto dahil tapos na rin naman syang kumanta. Di kasi ako bastos na kapag may kumakanta sa harap ng stage ay aalis na lang. Sumakay agad ako ng taxi dahil alam kong susunod sya. Sa wakas ay hindi nya ko naabutan. Nakita ko sa side mirror ng taxi na natakbo sya palabas ng resto para lang habulin ako.

Nagpahatid ako sa bahay ko. At sa kasamaang palad ay traffic at uulan. Ano ba yan. Another Malas Day.

Nang umandar na ay dere-deretso na ang byahe. Hays. Wala pa man din akong payong. Buti na lang pwede pang ipasok ang mga sasakyan sa village. Nang nasa tapat na ko ng bahay ay nagbayad na ako at bumaba. Tumakbo papuntang gate at minadaling buksan. Nang makapasok agad agad kong nilock. Next week pa kasi uuwi si Yaya. Nang ioopen ko na ang pinto ng bahay, may natapakan akong flower. White Rose. Bouquet. May Letter na nahulog ng pulutin ko.

"Please forgive me."
~JCG

Pinasok ko na lang ang bulaklak sa loob ng bahay. Sayang eh. Ganda pa naman. Nilagay ko sa flower vase ang flower at nagpunta na sa kwarto ko. Magshshower lang muna ako dahil nabasa ako ng ulan.