Diana

Chapter 1

*Story has been edited*

*TW // Self Harm, SA *

"Diana! Stop it!" My best friend Nicole yelled at me.

"Why? There's no reason to stop." I mumbled back to her. We were sitting on my bedroom floor when my often drunk and abusive mother came in and starting screaming at me because she was still pissed that she walked in on her boyfriend, Howard, forcing me to go down on him. She wasn't mad at him though, she blamed me, just like she blamed me for everything else that happened in her life. 

My father left us when I was 11, saying that my mother was a slut, and that I would be the same way. That's when my mother started drinking, and now I can barley remember a time when she wasn't verbally or physically abusive towards me. Sometimes I'll have blurry memories of her baking cupcakes with me for bake sales or playing dress up with me, but it's hard to remember that kind of stuff when she blames me for my father leaving. In reality it's neither of our faults, he was the one cheating and left us for his then 22 year old girlfriend, who's barely ten years older than me. Neither of us had heard from him since. 

Nicole reached over and grabbed the razor from me. "Nicole! Give it back!!" I pouted as she stood up and grabbed her book bag.

"No, now let's go. We can't be late for school again today." Nicole lived next door, and we had been walking to school together since I can remember. Most of the time she came over before school to borrow a scarf or some jewelry that I never wore, and we were almost always late.

Nicole walked out of my room and returned seconds later with a wad of tissue and handed them to me. "Let's just stop the bleeding for now, we'll clean it out at school, okay?" I nodded and reluctantly took the tissue and held it over my red stained skin. I didn't see the point though. I just did what I was told and spaced out.

Once the bleeding stopped, I stood up, and pulled on a navy blue jumper to cover my cuts. Nicole grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the house as we began our 20 minute walk to school. I sighed. Only two more months until graduation, and then I can move out of my mother's house, go to Uni and never look back. I wasn't entirely sure that's what I wanted, but the guidance counselor at school said looking forward to the future helps ward away suicidal thoughts. I'm still trying to figure out if he's right or not.

As we walked down the block, I stopped in front of a house that held so many precious memories for me. The woman sitting on the porch waved to Nicole and I, and I waved back and smiled as Nicole grabbed me and pulled me down the block.

While we walked I couldn't help thinking about the last time I saw Louis- at least the last time I saw him in person. It was four months before Louis graduated. He had auditioned for the X-Factor and ended up being put in the boy band One Direction. I haven't heard from Louis in 3 years. He probably forgot about me now that he was famous, but still, he used to be like my big brother and I thought about him more often than I probably should.

"Diana! Lets go!!" Nicole urged me to keep walking, because at this point, we were definitely going to be late again. Story of our lives. Nicole and I had been late to school nearly everyday since Louis left. He used to drive us to school, but you would think after three years of walking together we would have figured out that we needed to leave earlier. We never did though. 

As we walked, I thought about the days when Louis would curse at us for making him late before he got his car. 

Don't get me wrong, I was happy for him and he really deserved this. Singing had been his dream for as long as I could remember, and now he could do that with four other people who had the same dream. From what I've seen on TV and heard on the radio, the five of them made a great team, and I was happy that Louis finally had guy friends- or any friends who weren't me and Nicole for that matter. My mind drifted from one thing to the next and all I could think about the entire walk was Louis and how much I missed him. What I missed the most about Louis was that he always found a way to make me smile. He always spoke gentle words in a soft tone when things got difficult for me. I can't remember a single time that he had ever raised his voice at me, and I'm not entirely sure if that was because that's just who he is, or if he was gentler with me because he knew how my mom treated me. Nicole, on the other hand, yells at me a lot. 

We got to school just as the first bell rang. Nicole and I ran to our science class which was the only class we had together, besides lunch. Nicole spent lunch with her cheerleading team and I sat alone with nothing but my phone and my food. We may have grown up together and our moms may have been best friends at one point, but Nicole and I were only friends outside of school. She was popular and I was just the quiet weird girl.

At lunch I had gotten a text from a strange number that I didn't recognize.

Hey love. Remember me? ~Unkown

Umm...who is this??~Me

I looked around the cafeteria, scared someone was playing a prank on me and my mind started playing out the craziest of scenarios. One of the things floating around my mind was what if someone is like a serial killer and I'm the first victim, like that movie Scream?

Louis Tomlinson at your service Diana Walsh :)  ~Unknown

I let out a soft gleeful noise and couldn't help the grin that spread from ear to ear as I added the number to my contact list. 

OMG LOUIS! I MISS YOU! ~Me

I miss you too Di. How you've been?~Louis

I avoided the question.

I haven't heard from you in 3 YEARS ~Me

Yeah I'm sorry abt tht. I can explain.  HOW ARE YOU? ~Louis

Im Fine. ~Me

Do not lie to me ~Louis

lunch is over. gtg bye Lou! xx ~Me

You don't have class ~Louis

I looked down at my phone puzzled when an announcement came on the loud speaker.

"Diana Walsh, please go to the front desk." I heard over the loudspeaker. I smiled down at the text Louis sent me. 

what are you doing? ~Me

no idea what you're talking abt  ~Louis

I grabbed my lunch tray and threw out my garbage before grabbing my bag and leaving the lunchroom, not entirely sure what I was about to walk into at the front desk.