Notes

8

Today was a bad day. My headphones blared into my eardrums, clogging my mind with notes and songs I could only dream of playing. There was an overwhelming feeling of nervousness in the bottom of my stomach, something I couldn't explain. My memories circled around the University, the world renowned stage that would never hear my music. My heart beat was slow, pumping blood around my body in an almost melodic way. My hand brushed against my tattoo, slowly healing from the trauma of the needles. Even though the treble clef was above my heart, it was hard to beat music throughout my bones.

Ever since the hospital, even though I had been cleared, it was as if I was noticing things in my body that made me worry. My skin seemed cold underneath my hands, and my stomach twisted as if it had consumed something it didn't like. Mum had been putting extra effort into each meal, making sure I was getting enough nutrients to improve the state of my white blood cells. We had been trying to follow an eating plan, revolving around foods that would make me feel better. But I was still feeling sick, and I didn't know why.

The house was quiet, the world blocked out by the walls that surrounded me. I turned my music off and took the headphones out of my ears, listening to the silence of my room. My hand slowly skimmed the quilt on my bed, feeling the soft fabric beneath my fingers. I sat up, placing my feet on the floor and grabbing my Cane, unsure of where I wanted to walk. My room was so lonely, I just wanted to get out of the house, but I couldn't leave. How I wanted to walk in the sun by myself, or feel the rain pelt down onto my face. To drive to the beach and smell the salt of the ocean, or watch the sunrise from the roof of my house. I wanted independence.

Minutes felt like seconds as I waited for Kyra to come pick me up, sitting on the bench near the kitchen. The sound of her glass almost falling off the bench echoed in my head, reminiscing about her smile as she left after coming to see me. I missed her.

Finally, a knock on the door ended the eerie silence consuming the room.

"Eli, it's Kyra. You all ready to go?"

I stood up reluctantly; even though I wanted to go outside, the thought of listening to a man speak about the topic that was killing me inside made my stomach churn. I opened the door, the wind from outside hitting my face. Kyra hugged me, but slowly let go.

"Are you okay?" Her voice was thick with concern.

"I just don't feel great today. And I don't know if I feel like going to this lecture."

She grabbed my hand. "I think getting out of the house will help you deal with all these things that are going through your mind. You're gonna go crazy if you stay inside all day."

"I know. It's just, Mr Kellum speaks about music the way I see it. And right now, listening to him is just going to make me feel worse. Please try to understand."

"Eli, I completely understand. Would you like to go somewhere else?" Her words were so warm, warmer than the sun that drifted through the doorway that we were both standing in.

"I just want to clear my mind out, so anywhere but here."

Kyra paused for a minute. "Well, your 18th is just around the corner, and I was going to give you your present on the actual day. But maybe I can make an exception for you and give it to you today."

She guided me towards her car, which had been cured of the awful smell that coated the air. It was a hot day, so Kyra rolled down her windows, letting the air from outside breathe into the confined space. The engine vibrated the whole car as we drove off to the mysterious destination. The radio was switched off, leaving room for the air around us to be filled with conversation.

"So, where are we going?"

"I can't tell you, otherwise it won't be a surprise." Kyra turned a corner, but I hadn't been paying attention, so I had no idea where we were heading.