Just Some Random Shit

Last Friday

Okay I know I said I was going to go in the order of the stuff that has happened but I can't ignore last Friday.

***

There are so many confusing things with this situation.

They have a boyfriend.

They used to say they were lesbian.

They are my ex girlfriend.

They're boyfriend is my best friend's ex boyfriend.

I still really like them.

I broke up with them three months ago because my feelings for someone else started to become bigger than my feelings for them. I regret so much breaking their heart.

If you are going to get mad when I flirt with you, why the hell would you flirt back if not the same but more. Why would you act like we used to act at your house when we were alone. Why would you be all over me and lick me.

Was that all really meant to mean nothing to me.

You can't just flirt with me one night and make it seem like nothing ever happened the next.

Isn't flirting considered cheating?

If so you're cheating.

Yet you say you still don't like me.

Or you're lying.

Stop lying if you are.

I wasn't lying when I said you make me sad.

You do make me sad. I am jealous. I am very jealous that he has you now and I don't.

I've broken too many hearts and this needs to all end now.

I'm sorry to anyone I've hurt.

I'm so sorry.

I know I said I don't want to date anyone.

I don't even know myself if I was lying or not.

I don't understand anymore.

I don't understand life anymore.

We're all here and then we're gone just like that.

Life is fucking short so why do we live it anyways.

Where are we even going?

What are we even living for?

I don't understand.

If you were to actually read this, you know who you are. Everyone knows who I'm talking about.

If you were to read this, here's what I wish I could tell you.

I'm sorry for ever hurting you. I'm sorry that I let you go I regret it so much. He's lucky to have you. If you were flirting back and it meant something to you, maybe something is still there. I know you're dating him though. I understand. I just wish something was there.

Trying to think through this is confusing.

Please if there is still something

Just tell me.

If there's not,

then I'll leave and let you be.