The Quirky Tale of April Hale (Quirky Series #1)

22: Inertia

22: Inertia

"I was accompanying my father for his chemo when I first met Linda. I mean, they're in this room together with other cancer patients and there are doctors injecting them and pretty much screwing with the veins on their arms. I was 14 and scared and really angry."

Okay, April. Focus. Focus. Please just focus. Right beside you is your Precious Person telling the story on how he met his ex girlfriend. You really shouldn't be thinking about adding another horse on the other side of his neck.

"And then there was Linda and her brother. They looked like they do want to stand out, what with Billy's beard and sleeve tattoos and Linda Pre-Chemo was like his female version, but without the beard. And then we started to hang out together and since I was the one who drove my father around, I had no friends and thus I had to be friends with them."

Must. Listen. 

Must. Not. Think. About. My little pony. Or Sherlock. Or the small beauty spot below his mouth. Or his skull tattoo. Or how Ryder and Linda (who was dead now, gosh, bless her) had kissed before. Or how that meant I had some of Linda's bacterias inside my mouth. Or-

"April? Are you with me?" 

Hell holy.

"Sorry," the voice came out as a whimper. Guilt washed over me and yet at the back of my mind, there were still a lot of things going on inside me. This was hard. Listening was hard. "Sorry, sorry. I'm trying."

"Try harder."

But I couldn't really do it. "How long have you dated Linda?"

"Only about three months," he bit his lip tentatively. "Most of the time she was undergoing lots of surgeries. The cancer started on her sinus and they removed it. Or they thought they removed everything..."

Oh no, he was going back to Present Linda and the cause of her death. I stared at Ryder's hands as I was at loss on what to say or what to do.

Fortunately, Ryder kept on talking. "Like, I wasn't even sure if it could be called 'dating'. She was just lonely and maybe a little bit desperate, and I was, too, because high school sucked bad and the trips to the hospital made me lose a lot of opportunities to make friends. It just... happened. And then now she's...she's gone? Just like that? Christ. Fuck. Do you know how hard it is to know that someone who used to be so close to you dead? It feels unreal. It feels bizarre. It's just..." he took one of my teddy bear and then buried his muffled scream into it. "I hate feeling like this."

And I didn't know what to do or what to say or if the way I wasn't looking at his face was offending him. We stayed on our respective place and I kept pulling on my nails because I also hated feeling like this. 

"D-Do you need me to hug you again?"

He spared me a glance. "Yes, please."

This time, I was the one who came closer to him. Ryder was completely still as I wrapped my arms around him. He was completely still as I moved his head so that he was leaning against me. Both of us were a tangle of frozen statue as the clock moved from 3:15 to 3:22. And then I surprised myself by saying, "Feelings suck."

There was a few seconds of pause, before then Ryder added.

"Death sucks, too."

"Do you want to go meet your father-"

"No."

Again, a tangle of frozen statue from 3:22 to 3:31.

"Ryder?"

"Hm?"

"Will smoking make you feel better? Just like when I feel better if I watch my DVDs?"

"Possibly."