high school problems

Insecurities

I don't like to be alone for too long, I'm too insecure when meeting new people and in large groups because of the bullies and all the stuff they do to me. I think that I am dumb because everyone calls me dumb-ass and no one gives a shit about what I think, well at least some don't, so I feel all alone all the time. I am smiling when I'm around my friends, but when they leave then I show my true self. I have to be truthful to the friends that actually have left so they can accept me for who I am and not for what I'm not. Remember when I said I didn't care if they didn't like me well I lied I say things like that a lot and I hate it. I just don't like it when people get worried about me also I wish that I never was born most the time because I just make people mad and that's all I'm good for. I'm a failure and I can't change that, no one can. I just wish that I could have a happy life and I could laugh at everything but it's too late to do anything about it. I don't think that I should go to school anymore because I had a gift to give to Hannah but now I just got it for no reason and I don't have anyone to give it to I can still give it to her even though she likes someone else but it won't be the same because she likes me as a friend. I don't dress nicely ever because people end up calling me trash at some points or that I look like shit I hate people that do that I also got kicked out of the classroom because I was disrupting the class with the sobs of agony and pain of the hell we all call a school. I've had enough of people walking all over me all the time and I'm going to punch someone in the face. Do you think I would get expelled for punching a girl in the face? I know I would get suspended for fighting a guy trust me I did I punched a guy named Jack Meyer. It's so frustrating!!