Bruised and Scarred.

For A Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic

For once I can be grateful for management. As soon as they found out about the incident they started by sending a team of professionals to hunt him down and get him in jail for numerous reasons. Second, they’re letting us go house hunting. House hunting as in an actual house for Niall and myself. We were lucky to have Zayn on the line to house us for a couple days, but now I’m up and ready to find a new place to start over, new, fresh, and over all just a clean slate compared to before. “Jessa, you ready to go?” Niall called from the bathroom attached to the bedroom in Zayn’s too huge for himself house. “Yeah!” I called back because we’re loud people and honestly hang around Louis way too much. I threw on my unicorn sweater and favorite pair of skinny jeans before tying up my high tops. With some sunglasses and a ponytail I was ready to get out the door.
At 12 in the afternoon we were coming around to the 4th house on the list. When given almost a free house and the chance to get exactly what you want, you take it, but not if it’s going to take 4 houses and at least 3 cups of tea. “This is a two story, 3 bed 2 and a half bath with an open back yard, and a lot of what you were looking for” the realtor explains. We’ve listened to her say the same things ten times. When will this be the right house? Niall must have caught me thinking and said, “You know we’ll find something, don’t worry babe” and kissed my cheek before following the realtor into the house. At first you get a nice open living room. It’s huge! I mean you could fit two elephants in here. To the right and towards the back of the house is a decent size kitchen. Knowing us we’ll need a bigger fridge than anything, and seeing that it has that space is a good step in the right direction. In the back of the kitchen were a small hallway that leads to a pantry, a closet across from that, and a door leading into the backyard. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like this house so far. In the next room to the left of the kitchen is a formal dining room that we could change to make it look pretty casual, along with a set of stairs to go upstairs.
On the second floor are two doors, one on each side, and two doors straight ahead. Two doors lead to two of three bedrooms, and one leads to the biggest of the three bedrooms. Attached to the bigger bedroom are a bathroom and an enclosed balcony with a screen. It looked so perfect I didn’t know how to react. We did take sight of the extra large bathroom downstairs with a perfect amount of space to do the washing. Then we went outside. It is so beautiful I wanted to cry and curl up into a ball. The fence was tall so we didn’t need to worry about getting one put in and there’s already an in ground pool for the summer. I could already see us sitting out by the pool and putting up a swing set, having barbecues and all that fun stuff.
That was until I was pulled back into reality, “What do you think?” the tall blonde woman said, clipboard in hand and fake smile saying please say yes so we can get this over with. I looked to Niall who said we needed a minute to talk first. He dragged me into the enlarged living room and said, “I can tell that you are so in love with it” Oh, he knows me so well. “Face it, we’re getting it”
“Isn’t it a bit much?”
“The house of your dreams and you’re worried about how much it costs”
“I don’t mean to think of the down side, but what about when its years down the road”
“Years down the road we’ll be finding a new place to fit all of our kids” I smiled and thought a little bit. “Let’s do this” I said with a huge ear to ear grin.
~
The next day damage control has been started. It took Niall 30 minutes to drag me out of bed because I didn’t want to go back. Honestly, the way to my heart is food and I guess that might be why we’re sitting in a pizza place having lunch. Afterwards we took a walk in the park with some security dragging behind. From what we did recover after lunch I found that my box of blades was scattered all over the floor in the bathroom. Niall did seem a teeny bit worried at the sight of this. “Jessa?” he questioned. Instead of looking at the disapproving face I knew was staring at me I stared at the blades and thought back to every time I went back to this box. The most recent time he caught me, after the accident, before the European tour, and then this morning… “Yeah” I said a bit quietly. I could tell he was going to start some spiel about how I don’t need to do this; I have a huge ‘family’ ready to talk whenever I need it. Then there’s the part where I’m beautiful, and my weight is muscle. There aren’t many women who are security guards, and police man and what not. And that he doesn’t know any woman who can bench as much as me, run as fast as me, or love as much as I do. The thing is I don’t want to bother anyone. I hate calling someone in the middle of the night, or waking Niall and talking about my scary dream where I was almost killed, shot, raped, murdered furiously. Most importantly I don’t want him to send me off to a therapy session once a week where I’m not going to be by his side. I also don’t like the idea of management taking me off the North American leg of the tour.
“Jessa, I know you’re not going to listen when I tell you what I was thinking of telling you, again, but can you try to get better for me?”
As I twiddled my thumbs together behind my back I crossed a set of fingers and said, “Yup” A smile tugged at his lips and he leaned in for a hug. As I went to pull out of the hug he wrapped his arms around me and threw me over his shoulder.
When will I believe him?