A Fangirl's Dream

9- lies

I sat on my swivel chair and let my mind concentrate on the design I'm currently working on. It's been a week and I haven't really find any of my drawings suits the theme well, although they are all good but something is telling me it will not be good enough for the project. "I don't want to disappoint anyone especially mom." I told myself and begin on sketching. I don't know but this project seems to consume my time and bother me while working on it. Maybe because, I'm too afraid what will the people comment on my work. I've heard that the company will let Bangtan Boys join the project that made me more anxious about it. "How's your design?" I looked at the door and saw Joshua with the three boys coming in with a bunch of food on their trays. "Still got no progress." I answered and hastily closed the sketchpad.

Since alam naman na ng mga empleyado dito na anak ako ng may ari ng kumpanyang 'to, they don't mind if I keep on entering rooms and checking everyone's work dahil isa 'yon sa mga pinapagawa ni mommy sa akin. My mom promoted me as one of the designers here kaya naiba na ang office ko kina Joshua. "These are all beautiful pero bakit mo nireject?" Nanghihinayang tanong ni Woozi sa akin na sinang-ayunan nung tatlo habang inaayos ang mga naka-crampled na papel all over my trash bin. "I don't feel contented. Kumbaga kapag tinitignan ko, walang spark." Sabi ko na lang. "What's with the hugot?" Natatawang sabi ni Vernon. "Anyway, we've got you snacks since napansin naming hindi ka pa lumalabas dito." I mouthed them thank you and started eating. Well, basically, since I feel like don't have any energy left in my body, they fed me. Yup, literally.

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"Come in." Walang gana kong sabi nang may kumatok sa pinot ng office ko. "May naghahanap po kasi sayo ma'am. Should I let him in?" Sabi nito. "Who is he?" I asked without looking at her. "Hey, it's Jimin." Napaangat ako ng tingin ng marinig ko ang boses niya. "Let him in." Sabi ko sa empleyado. "Yes ma'am." And with that narinig ko ang kanayang yapak papalapit sa akin. "What do you need?" I turned my gazed on him. "Just visiting my friend?" Nakangiti nitong sabi. Umupo ito sa aking harapan at tinignan ang aking sketchpad. "Am I the one who'll wear that?" Turo nito sa design na kakatapos ko palang gawin. "Seriuosly Park Jimin? A dress? For you?" I acted like I don't find his corny joke funny, well, I do. But this is part of moving on. "Seryoso mo naman masyado." I saw his eye smile that made my heart swelled. "I'm sorry but I can't entertain you right now. You can just visit me other time or we can just get along on Misul's first birthday. I'm really busy." Sabi ko rito as if I'm giving him a cold treatment.

"I'm not leaving." Sabi nito. Ibininaba ko ang aking lapis at tumingin ng diretsyo sa kanya. "Why so?" He stood next to me, beaming excitedly, showing his aegyo. What the hell is wrong with this dude? "Let's have a dinner!" I shook my head slowly."I'm really sorry Jimin. Office hours." Palusot ko. "I'm not buying that. Seriously Maerin? Office hours at 8pm? Oh c'mon." Pangungulit nito. "No." Sagot ko at ibinaling ang atensyon sa pagdadrawing. "Then, I'm not leaving. I'll wait for you here." Sabi nito saka naupo muli. "Then do it." I challenged him. "Sure." Mapang-asar na sabi nito. "Don't stare at me like that." I looked at him a bit embarrassed when I noticed him looking intently at me or to my drawings, whatever. Still, I find it uncomfortable. "Why not? You look fine—no you look gorgeous anyway." The intensity of the heartfelt words of Jimin stunned me. Please, I'm trying to move on! "Shut up." I told him saka inilagay sa ilalim nang desk ko ang sketchpad. "Let's go." Hindi ako lumingon sa kanya para itago ang namumula kong mukha at dumiretsyo na palabas nang aking office.

"I need you girl~" Kanta ni Jimin habang nagmamaneho. "Where we'll exactly go?" I interrupted him nang mapansin kong marami-rami na kaming nalagpasan na fast food chains. "Somewhere over the rainbow~" I rolled my eyes at him. He just laughed. "I'm serious." Tumingin ito sa akin sandali at bumalik rin ang atensyon sa kalsada. "Masyado kang seyoso. Why? Is your work damn too hard?" Tanong nito. "Nope, being with you is more damn difficult." I mumbled under my breath. "You're saying?" Tanong nito. "Nothing." Gladly, he didn't hear what I've just said. "And we're here."

Bumaba ako ng sasakyan niya without waiting for him to open the car door for me 'cuz we all know I'm not his girlfriend. Speaking of his girlfriend, "Where's Sana? Baka kung anong isipin niya kapag nalaman niyang kasama mo ako." Sabi ko rito. "She's actually here." Sabi niya saka itinuro ang isang babaeng nakahoodie na nakatingin sa amin sa loob ng restaurant. He guided me towards the table. "I'm glad you made it." Nakangiting sabi ni Sana sa akin. "Yeah." I simply answered. Jimin pulled the chair for me saka ito tumabi kay Sana. " Buti nga napapayag ko siya though she's busy sketching out ." Sabi ni Jimin kay Sana. "Really? Sorry unnie. I just wanna say thanks to you in person sa mga advices na binigay mo sa akin last week. Those helped me a lot reaching out to Jimin. And it's because of you why we are okay now!" Jimin's hand reached Sana's shoulder and squeezed it while sharing sweet smiles. What a perfect view. I showed them a weak smile. "Wala 'yon. Nag-abala ka pa."

"So tell us about your love life." I looked at Jimin asking if he was serious. "I got no boyfriend." I laughed awkwardly and just continued eating. How dare him asked question like that? If he only know the reason why. "How was New York? I heard you are one of the top paid designers there." I nodded at Nana's statement. "New York was actually the best. It gave me a lot of opportunities like to work with the greatest artiest worldwide and to serve royal families was the most memorable moments I experienced when I was out of this country." I said comfortably. "Daebak." Kumento ni Sana. "Then why did you come back if life in there was perfect?" Good question Sana. "I need to work for my future company." I lied but I bet they're buying it. They got no choice by the way but to believe what I say. But I wish I could say that it is all because of his boyfriend, for giving me high hopes but turns out to be false hopes.

"But there was once this guy, whom I shared almost of my life for him, not literally. He was everything for me before I came there. I thought we would be perfect but damn he just disappeared after giving all the hints. That bastard." I said all those words while looking to Jimin. I hope Sana didn't notice that I'm actually describing her boyfriend. "What a shame." Kumento ni Sana saka tumingin kay Jimin. "Right Jimin?" He just nodded and looked at me intently. I mouthed him what as I raised my eyebrow. He shook his head and continued sipping his drink.

"Thanks for the ride!" I beamed. They waved at me bago umalis. Pagkapasok ko nang kwarto ko ay dumiretsyo na ako sa aking higaan and let the pain shed away by crying. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako umiiyak, pero nararamdaman kong nasasaktan na ako. I thought moving on is the answer but this madafakers are all coming into my head, showing up and even treating me a nice dinner! How can I possibly finally move on if they keep on doing those things?!

Screw this feeling! Screw everything!

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