Love Me Back

Chapter 11

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The girl leaned against the trunk of the tree, prodding a stick into the dirt, drawing random shapes and objects, watching them spiral away in the misty air. She hugged her knees tight and rubbed her burning eyes.

Tomorrow's my birthday.

No one is going to give me a present.

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March 2

Dear Cara,

Happy birthday. I would send you a gift, but I don't think you'd appreciate a gift from someone who you don't love anymore. (Even if they still love you.)

But I couldn't stop myself from buying one, however. It's sitting here, in my hand, at the current moment. I haven't--couldn't bring myself to refrain from celebrating your birthday. Even if we're not an "item" anymore. Because fuck society and fuck 'ship laws' and fuck Jack. Because I'll love you no matter what, until my heart stops beating.

I know that sounds really fucking corny, but it's true.

...What's the present, you may ask?

It's a necklace with a tiny birdcage charm on it. I got it because I feel like you've trapped my heart, stolen it and swept it into a cage and never let it go. And maybe I've never let you go.

They say that if you really love someone, you should let them go.

So I'm letting you go. I'm giving you back your birdcage.

I remember the first time we spent your birthday together. We binge-watched stupid Netflix shows and cuddled and kissed every once in awhile. We savored the day like it was the last time we were ever going to be together.

Maybe it really was the last time.

I fell so deeply in love with you that I didn't even realize I was falling until I hit the ground. To me, you were the epitome of perfection, and you made me feel things I had never felt before. Being in love with you was different. It was imploding and exploding all at the same time and it felt like the Big Bang, when the world exploded and molded and the molecules were there. They were being. They were carrying out their basic purposes.

I feel like that now--I feel like my sole purpose of life on this planet is to live for you. You're the only reason why I do everything I do. You're the reason why I live.

You once asked me, "What's your first thought when you see a different girl?"

I still remember my reply.

"She's not you."

Forever yours,

Finn