My Life As An Escort (The Beginning) Book 1 ~ (Completed)✅.

Chapter Twenty-Seven -Memory Lane

This will be told in Lilly's Point of View

I kept looking at the picture of my baby girl. I couldn't help but look at it. She had a face like an angel with blond curly hair with tiny hands and feet with a button nose. She was the most precious piece of myself and my father took her away from me. The what haves, could haves had flooded my head since the investigator Steve told me the story. When I gave birth to her, I felt joy and sorrow. It was more sorrow because I wanted the baby's father to be James. I hadn't even had a chance to name her.

The night with James was one that I remembered so vividly. People said that love didn't happen at first glance, but something about James made me think of that saying differently.

The night that I had given myself to him, I knew somehow he would come and take me away so we could be together. I know I was only sixteen but I wanted to be with him until Tyler and his friends scared the happy memory I had away. Many nights I would dream of the romance only for it to turn into my own personal nightmare. Not only had I gave myself to James, but Tyler and his friends took me too. So in other words I had given myself to four men in one night although the only happy time was with James. What I enjoyed with James was so much different than what I had with the others.

I questioned myself on why didn't I fight harder that night? Maybe I should have yelled or screamed louder or maybe I should not have met James in the woods. But something was triggered in me that night. I no longer wanted James to rescue me. Thoughts of hate guided me after that night. I was no longer that lovable precious Lilly, I was the whore of the night. After that night I didn't love myself, I couldn't love myself.

After all the drama, I went back to the Mayer's house and scrubbed my body until it bled. I thought I could scrub away the dirt Tyler and his friends did to me but nothing could erase the fact what they did.

The next day my parents and I left. Daphne had looked at me funny and hugged me. I couldn't hug her back knowing what her brother had done to me and his despicable father had to have known something the way he eyed me and hurried us along.

I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard the knock on my bedroom door. I walked over to opened it and Ben walked in. All I could do was fall into his arms. I hadn't meant to do it, I just need someone I could trust and Ben was my most trusted half.

"Shh, I'm here. Whatever it is I'm here for you. I knew today was too much for you. I know you have been holding something in. You can tell me."

I wanted to tell him but deep down I didn't want him to think the worst of me. I wasn't a good person. The things I had been involved in through my life was catching up with me.

Ben picked me up and carried me to my bed. I hadn't bothered to change as I was still in my sundress.

"Ben..," I couldn't get the rest out as my tears and heart began to ache. Ben rolled me on my side and got in the bed. He held me as my body shook with regrets and loss.

He brushed my hair back and his gentle touch seem to soothe me. Every since I hired Ben, he always seem to anticipate my wants and so he had come to be one of my few confidants.

"Do you believe in karma, Ben?" I managed say staring out the window.

"I do? But you know you can tell anything, and it will stay between me and you." He had his arm wrapped around my waist and I placed my hand on top.

"It's a long story, Ben and I'm just too tired to tell it. Just know I appreciate you being here with me. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

Ben kissed me on the forehead. It was the first time we had been this close in an employee and employer relationship. Being in his arms made me feel so secure and comforted. We all had our secrets and in time they would all come to light. I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes, Ben was still watching over me.

"How long have I been asleep?" I had managed to move to where now I was facing him. Ben was quite striking for his age. He was just a couple of years older than I. Hell, he still had his hair. The small scar on his neck didn't do anything to dampen his features. His height and strong arms made him the perfect bodyguard and protector.

Ben looked at his watch and said, "three hours."

"I'm sorry Ben." I was sorry for all the wrongs I had involved him in. I was sorry for giving myself to others. I was sorry for everything.

"No need to apologize. I hate to see you like this." He said looking into my eyes. Why did I feel like I wanted to kiss him? I'm too old for romance. After the life I led I'm surprised that any man would want me. Either they were terrified of me or just avoided me all together.

He touched my cheek and all I could do was close my eyes and lean into him. My eyes began to sting as I knew they were red and puffy.

"You try to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you are human, Lilly. Sometimes you have to let things go. What are you running from?"

"Why would I be running from something?"

"Because I have never seen you this emotionally drained. Every since the funeral, you have not been yourself. Let me help you."

"I don't know if anyone can help me. I have to remain strong for the girls and the business." When I said the words, more tears started to fall. Ben held on to me tighter. I tried to breakaway, but he wouldn't let me go. I felt tears on my cheek. He was crying too.

"I'm not letting you go until you stop crying. Let it all out, Lilly." His trembled.

I was acting like a teenage girl. I needed to stop all of this crying and face this as a woman, but being in his embrace felt so right. A part of me wanted him to hold me like this forever and let the memories wash themselves away while another part of me wanted him to feel the pain I felt so deeply.

"Who hurt you, Lilly?" The question bounced off the walls and sent chills down my body.

"Everyone I have truly loved, have turned their backs on me. My parents, the man I loved, even my family that still lives and breaths. I don't know how to really love someone. I cut them loose before I start to feel anything. I don't want to hurt."

"You don't have to hurt anymore. There are so many people out there that love you that you have no idea. The girls adore you and not because you are their boss, but you have the biggest heart I know. Marci and I love you too. We would do anything for you, all you have to do is ask."

"That's not true?"

"Yes we would!" He sounded so adamantly about it.

"Maybe Marci, but not you."

"I'm confused Lilly..."

"You have lied to me for ten years, James." I watched him closed his eyes. There was nothing he could say. I knew his secret since he started working for me. I knew just about everything on anyone that I employed. I had too much to risk and I needed to know who would betray me if the time come.

Not only did I run Monroe Enterprises, but I ran Mon LeRouge, my escort business. It was registered as a call center that ran through Monroe Enterprises but a seperate enterprise. Members were given an order number, pin and they had to answer a security question that was asked. Anyone could get the number but security measures had to taken. Money was never exchanged. Membership fees were paid to a dummy account and wired to an account in Switerland.

"You are speechless James or should I call you Benjamin?" I said laced with sarcasm.

"How did you know?"

"Because I have too much at stake to lose. The girls depend on me and my employees at Monroe Enterprises, have to be protected from my double life. Why didn't you tell me in the beginning?"

"Because I was ashamed and a coward."

"Yes you are." I went to sit up but he grabbed me and laid me back down.

"Why are you just know, calling me out?" I looked into his deep brown eyes and turned away. I wondered if I should tell him that we may have had a child out there. But what if the child wasn't his?

"The private investigator that came to see me today, gave me some news."

"What did he say?"

I got up and walked to my desk and pulled out the envelope and tossed it on the bed.

"I had a child when I was sixteen." I could feel the tears threatened to spill out the corners of my eyes.

"I was with you when you were sixteen." He looked down at the picture. "Did we have a child together?" He looked at me with something I just didn't recognize. I wasn't sure if it was hatred for not telling him or did he already know?"

"Did you already know this James? Don't you fucking lie to me either. This is your chance to come clean. Ten fucking years you have lived a lie. TELL ME!!" I don't normally cuss or yell, but today had been too much for me. I don't usually stress out. I take yoga and did breathing exercises. My body must have shook again because he was standing in front me. His huge body was blocking me. His tall frame was so close I could feel his body heat.

"Yes, but I just found out when you asked him to find her. My name is James Benjamin. Steve is my cousin. He was there at the fair that day and the day at the Mayer's house when your father caught us in the hug."

"How could you?" I said beating him on his chest.

"Lilly, I swear if we could go back, I should have looked for you. I knew I couldn't support you and you were so young. I think about you everyday. You were the one I was suppose to marry. We were suppose to be together and grow old together. I had Steve find you so I could tell you how sorry I was and ask you for forgiveness.

"Is that why you married Ellen Bergeron?" I asked with more tears running down my face.

"She was a mistake. We divorced when I started working for you."

"How convenient for you. You thought I would take you back if you left her?" I shook my head.

"No, I married her because she was pregnant although I'm not sure if it was mine. She cheated on me before and during the marriage. I was in the army and most of the time I was gone. I swear to you Lilly I never loved her the way I loved you!"

My back was against the wall. I just couldn't stop crying. My head was hurting so bad.

"Get OUT!" I yelled.

"Lilly please don't shut me out." He said walking up to me with tears running down his face. His face was pink, he was hurting too, but I didn't care. Because of him I turned into something I never wanted to be. All this time I didn't really hate him I hated myself. I had blamed others for my hurt but it was was my destiny. I could have made other choices but I chose this life and I was stuck. I didn't want to live with the denial or hurt anymore. I wanted things to go back to the way they use to be before I met him.

The pain that shot through my body had me clinching my heart. All the pain of the memories came back in droves. My vision began to blur as I felt my heart jumping and pounding as if it wanted to escape from my chest.

"Shit, Lilly calm down.." Those were the last words I heard before I felt my body drop.


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What do you think? Will she survive this? Will Ben be able to tell her everything or will she be able to tell him what happened to her that night? So many questions. Tell me your thoughts, would love to hear them.

Thanks for reading, voting and commenting. I truly appreciate any feedback on the story so far and I really appreciate you reading. Too much sex? Too much outside stories? More POVs? More storyline? Don't be afraid to tell me.