You Are Loved--A Cody Carson Fanfic

Jamie 2.0

   It was barely 90 days til the concert. This was going by slower than I thought.
Day by day I tried my hardest to stay happy. I kept my feelings together and I kinda didn't really talk to my friends because of what happened last time.
------few weeks later------
It was now 65  days until the concert. It felt like the past few weeks flew by. I just had to keep this up.
I got an idea of what I could make for Cody. I bought a small tiny notebook. My idea was that I could write how much they mean to me and how I came to love SIO.
It went really well. I finished only like 3/4 of the book. I had also made a black and blue bracelet for him. I kept it with me. I made two bracelets. One for him and one for me. It was a little hard trying to guess how big his wrist was.
I had painted a duality symbol on the front. I hope he would like it.
/---/---/---/---/---/---/---/---/
Times passed.
All throughout the year I kept my grades up. I stayed "happy" but as more days passed. The more I lost my mind.
However there were times where I just wanted to completely give up. At night I would lie awake and cry. Sometimes it would just let go. My feelings would just poor out.
I remember this one time. I was cooking in the kitchen with my mother. In all honesty. I was a wreck.
My mother had the decency to yell at me. I had accidentally forgotten to stir the food because I was doing a million other things for her. She told me how I always fuck everything up end its my fault she yells at me. At that point I just wanted to scream. I wanted to cry and yell. Tell her how wrong she is. But I didn't. Why I didn't was because I was barely a week away from the concert and I was doing so good.
------/------/------/-----/------/
There was a certain night. I believe it was about five days away. That night I truly lost it. I couldn't help it. I had to feel again. I remember. I got a blade and just began cutting my thigh. I didn't care. I couldn't go through with it.
That night I left reality just for a moment. I cried and cried until I was left there, lying emotionless. No tears. No happiness. No anger. Just plain me.
I guess you could say I felt numb. Almost weightless.
My legs and shoulders were gushing blood by that time. I remember getting blood on my carpet. The wall and my blankets. Which I later had to wash. My whole body throbbed. I realized what I had done. The cuts stung.
I should've died that night.
I should've bled out.
The thought stuck in my head and it was that if I just did one big one on my wrist. I wouldn't have to worry anymore. I wouldn't have to be afraid anymore. I wouldn't have to suffer.
That thought stuck on my mind for what seemed like hours but something was holding me back. Something was telling me I had to stay.
I pulled myself up and out of bed. By this time it was probably about 3 or 4 in the morning. I wiped my eyes and cleaned up my mess, Cody wouldn't want to see you like this. I thought to myself.
In that moment. Something in me snapped, realization. It was realization of meeting Cody Carson.
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A/N
Hey peeps. Here's another chapter. Sorry if there are errors. Ughhhh. Oh yeah. I didn't think anyone would actually read this but there are readers out there. Thank you for that and also thanks for all the nice comments. You guys are awesome.
Love ya!
~Set1toff