The Princess Games

Trying

Clarissa

***

The next two weeks were painful. 

Clarissa was tortured with dreams of her time at the castle, of a fairy tale wedding to Xavier, of a little dark haired, pale skinned family with blue-gray eyes, of life as the queen of Linatha.

She woke up before dawn with tears in her eyes, feeling like she hadn't slept at all.

As she did chores, she tortured herself further by thinking of how far they had gotten with the wedding plans. Was Alaina moving in to the castle? Was the tailor who had been so kind to her making the princess the wedding dress of all wedding dresses? Was she getting along with King Charles and Queen Isabelle? Did they laugh together? Had they booked the same musicians from the ball? Had they thought of a guest list?

She picked at lunch, usually giving her plate to Henry and choosing to work in the garden. Spring was here, finally, and her vegetables and flowers bloomed like crazy.

As she laid in bed, she pictured Xavier's face until she fell asleep.

She felt pathetic, loving him so much, but she couldn't help it. She had risked everything for him, even left her family behind to play in a set of games that she knew would drive her nearly insane and change her life. They had gotten so close, bonded so much. 

They had come so close...all to have it ripped right out from under her nose.

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair.

The three words became her mantra, even though she felt whiny thinking them. She thought the words all day, every time she pined over what could have been or thought about the Games at all.

Another week passed.

Clarissa had officially skipped meals for twenty-one days now. She hadn't rested since the night before the ball. 

She was emotionally and physically spent.

Her father refused to let her work outside or even get out of bed for the day, insisting that she sleep. She reluctantly relented, even letting her mother give her a sleeping draught. 

She sat up around dinner time and rubbed her eyes, looking around the little house.

Her family was at the table, eating soup. They were whispering and trying to be quiet. They all looked very tired.

She was being pathetic, she realized.

She had let her emotions rule her life for the last three weeks, and her poor family was suffering from it.

So what if it wasn't fair?

Life wasn't fair.

She resolved to pick herself up, dust herself off, and throw herself back into work.

She laid back down and rolled over to face the fireplace.

This would be the last time she let herself dwell on him.

She closed her eyes and let herself remember Xavier: his soft black hair, his sharp, angular face, his icy eyes. 

The pain was like a stab to the heart, but she remembered every detail: how it felt to be held by him, to look into his eyes and see that warm expression reserved just for her, how it felt to laugh with him and feel like no one else in the world existed.

She remembered every last detail about any time they had ever spent together and quietly cried herself to sleep.

***