When I woke up the next night, Dharma and James were gone.
I don’t know where and I didn’t bother trying to find out.
I got up and went hunting.
When I came back, they were still away.
I went to visit Damon.
I crouched down and placed the flowers near the angel.
“Hi Damon, I know I haven’t come to see you since I changed. I’m sorry. Right now I feel like you’re the only one I can talk to. I made a mistake, a mistake too late to try and mend. Everything’s changed Damon; nothing is the way it was. I know I made my choice, I don’t regret the time we had together Dharma and me. It’s just that it’s not what I thought it would be. Talking to James yesterday got me thinking. I think I was more in love with the idea of us and what it would be. She’s not the same. I love her, I do. But things have become clear now.”
“How?”
I turned to find Dharma and James behind me.
I stood.
Dharma’s face was closed off, James looked awkward.
“I’m going to be inside.” He said walking away.
“How?” Dharma asked again.
“Dharma.”
“How are things clear to you Johnathon?”
“It wasn’t real Dharma.”
“How’s that?”
“Who you were, it was something so unimaginable to me. I was in love with that, the idea of immortality. In love with the idea of you and me, but we’re not who we were. You love me because I remind you of a past love. That is the only reason. But I’m not Jeanathon Gustav, I’m Johnathon Manning and that is all I can be. I’m not here to amend the mistakes he made or spend an eternity with you because that’s what you would have liked for him to do. I’m here because I loved you, like any mortal could have. Your beauty and your weirdness, the way you freaked me out and how I loved to spend time with you. You made sense of things for me, made this world beautiful. But it’s not the same at all anymore is it? We can’t hide anything from each other. This is all we have. Two vampires more in love with the possibility of what could have been. I don’t know who I love anymore, maybe neither of you.”
“This is about Christina isn’t it?”
“Partially but mostly it’s about you.”
“I love you.”
“Maybe.”
“I do.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re you. Because…”
“Because what?”
She turned away then looked back at me.
“I’ve always loved you Johnathon. You know that.”
“Yes, I know. You loved him though, not me.” I said pointing at Jeanathon’s grave.
“He is you.”
“No, he’s not. We haven’t led the same lives Dharma.”
“Why is this a surprise all of a sudden? You knew it all, I told you before. You didn’t have a problem with it then. You are him Johnathon, you are! You can’t deny it. The dreams and the visions of what it was. You knew me.”
