We're not living, we're surviving

12

I am fully aware this took months to upload, and I apologise for that. I've been trying to write my own stories, and since this is just a fanfiction, well, I'm not going to get famous from it. To say the least. Anyway, Emilia and Daryl are back and packing a punch, I do hope you enjoy.

Everyone else was inside the house, not me though. It was dinner time, but I wasn't hungry, I just needed some time alone. Time to think. To recover.

Daryl had found half a packet of cigarettes earlier in the day, given them to me. As much as I wanted to sit and smoke them all, I knew I couldn't. I'd run out again soon enough, but I'd much rather prolong that time as long as possible. Still, I had one in my fingers now, unlit for the moment.

Putting the cigarette between my lips, I pulled my hair back into a ponytail, before lighting the end of the cigarette. It had been nearly a month since my last cigarette and all I'd done was miss the taste the smoke left on my lips. It was definitely not a good idea to continue smoking during the apocalypse, but it was the only thing I had left to remind me of the old world. Of before all this, before I lost everything.

The crunching of footsteps on fallen leaves caught my attention, but I didn't turn. I simply continued to look into the forest, hoping it would remain as still and peaceful as this, hoping that the safety of the farm never dwindled.

"Hey," the person spoke, but I didn't recognise the voice. I turned, a frown settling over my features as I tried to place the person in front of me. My mental stability might not be at it's peak right now, but that didn't mean I didn't recognise the few people in our group, and this woman certainly wasn't one of them. "I'm Maggie, I haven't spoke to you yet since you got to my daddy's farm, but I guessed now would be as good a time as any, since we're technically neighbours now."

I didn't say anything, just watched the woman. It seemed a little odd to me that she'd come out now, wanting to talk to me, of all people. I tried my hardest not to frown, not to let on that I had no idea what would draw her in to talk to me. Though there was a multitude of questions flowing through my mind, I said nothing, stayed silent. This farm had been a god send, it was a miracle Sophia and I found it, but I'm not able to enjoy it. I was responsible for a child and I failed. Again.

"What you did out there must've been hard, but you saved Carol's little girl. You're brave, you know that?" She continued after a moments silence. This was not a conversation I wanted to be having. My eyes diverted to the ground, though they didn't fill with tears, I had none left to cry. "I ain't sure what happened, but I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to do it. You're a hero to this group, Emilia, should accept it. Take your time to move on, but just know there're people here that're looking out for you, there for you. You're a good person."

Although I knew she was trying her hardest to make me feel better, it didn't help. It was undeniably a sweet gesture, but the clenching in my stomach every time I think of the little girl I had to shoot, that I failed...that reminded me of how wrong Maggie was.

"I brought you some food, still warm." She tried again, but I just shook my head. I wasn't hungry, if anything I felt sick to my stomach. It didn't matter that I hadn't eaten in days.

Maggie turned to walk away, giving in with the conversation. It wasn't rude, nor angry, but she knew I needed my space. That's when I felt like I was being rude, she'd made an effort to talk to me, and I'd given her nothing in return.

"Maggie," I started, causing her to pause. "Thanks...for the food I mean. Give it...give it to someone else, I'm sure they'll appreciate it." I even attempted a smile, but I'm sure it was more of a grimace. She continued on her way back to the house after that, her posture a little happier than before.

Standing, I settled on going for a walk around the premises, it was a large property, I guessed I could do with getting to know it better if we were going to be staying here. There was a barn I was particularly interested in. It was big enough for the group to stay in, so why were we staying in tents? It didn't make much sense to me, but it couldn't hurt to check it out.

The doors had a lock and chain keeping them closed. Maybe there was some machinery or something in there that Hershel kept locked away so the children here couldn't mess with it, I had no idea. Picking up the lock, I looked it over, dropping it back down causing a loud clunck as metal hit wood.

As I stepped away, I heard it.

The low unforgettable groan. I should have smelt the rotting stench of their bodies before. The door was pushed as open as possible and fear gripped my heard in an iron fist as I froze to the spot.

There were Walkers inside it.