Cheer Up

move on

I do not like it  here, in this world. Everyday, I wish to die. Silently, leave this place. I just want to go where my mum is.. everyday I sit in the dark, not wanting to do anything, just wishing I can wake up from this horrible nightmare and see my mum next to me, telling me..that everything is going to be alright and that..she will protect me. I never really feared the "monsters under my bed", because I always knew..my mum will never let them get me. Now, there are monsters inside my head, behind me, with me..everywhere and I am alone. No one to protect me anymore, and honestly speaking, there isn't much I have to protect anymore. My parents little noodle shop is..already closed, the house? haha, I can just live in a rented room, and abba left so..I don't even have anything that I want to live for. I got into the university mum and abba always dreamt of, and now, they aren't even here to pat me and tell me that they are proud of me. My name is Edmund, which means, someone who protects, what a joke. I'll start with changing my name. I am..*sighs* Edmund Lee..maybe moving on isn't my thing...
~
"oh edmund! son, do you feel better today? do you think you'll be able to work today?" Mr.Hyun asked, as soon as Edmund entered the coffee shop. Edmund took his bag off and looked at mr.Hyun
"um..actually, I have to tell you that.." Edmund slowly opened his bag and took out an envelope. 
"..what is it Edmund?" Mr.Hyun put the files in his hand away and walked towards Edmund.
"sir, I..am thankful for your support throughout this time. I really am, but, I cannot continue working here. Please accept this, the hospital fees I owe you." Edmund bowed and presented the envelope to Mr.Hyun.
"you do not owe me anything son. I respect your decision, I also think, you should focus on your studies from now on. Become a great man..and make your mum proud." he didn't accept the money
"sir, please accept this, and I'll be taking my leave now, thank you for your help and..everything you've done for me uptil now. I hope you live happy." Edmund handed the envelope and took his bag to leave.
"what about Eun ji?" Mr.Hyun asked abruptly
"what about her?" Edmund asked turning around
"she is a good friend to you. do you not think she..likes you?" he asked
"no, but if she does..she should stop her feelings from growing stronger. For, she'll be left heartbroken, I'll leave her eventually and she'll be devastated, that's just how it is. we'll all leave one day." Edmund bowed and left.

Eun ji, who was listening from the door quickly pretended to be busy doing something when Edmund stepped out.
"..are you leaving?" eun ji asked
"yes, goodbye." Edmund bowed and left without even looking at her.
"why? " eun ji asked holding onto his shirt
" everything here reminds me of my mum..and how my life turned from perfectly fine to.. this. I cannot stay here any longer.  I need to move on.  thanks for your help but I guess it's time I.. help myself." Edmund freed his shirt and walked away.
eun ji saw him leave, "that's how it is.  people leave.  there's no reason for him to stay here now." eun ji turned her back at him and smiled, "that's life."

"after all she did for you Edmund! do you think a thank you is enough? they saved you from drowning Edmund.  you cannot leave like this." Tae said as he got off of the car.
"Tae, be careful at the subway stations from now on. I'll call you once in a while. I'm leaving now. " Edmund patted Tae and left
" where are you going? " Tae asked
" wherever the first flight will take me.  anywhere.  away from here. thank you for dropping me here. " Edmund waved and left.
" goodbye. " Tae sighed as he saw his friend leaving.

Edmund looked out the plane window and smiled.
" I'll be back.. " he whispered as he closed his eyes.
Abba,  I'm leaving.  you can come back and stay at home.  I cleaned it before leaving and gave the keys to Tae, he said he'll give them to you once you return.  I'm sorry it took me so long to make this decision. I'm sorry for what happened to mum.  I cannot make it upto you.  I know how much you hate me and I wanted to end my life but I guess it wasn't the right time.  I will spend the rest of my life waiting for the right time.  please don't be sad and don't get hurt.  eat well and live well. I left some money in the bank. you don't have to worry about seeing me again.. goodbye Abba. no matter what, I'll always love you Abba.
Edmund sent the message to his father and switched his phone off and threw the Sim inside his bag.

"people leave when they have no reason to stay. he made a wise decision Abba. forget about him.  we were meant to cross paths with him just as we cross paths with a thousand people everyday.  we should forget about him.  " Eun ji said as she got up from the chair and left the shop.
" where did he go? " Mr. Hyun asked eun ji
" I don't know Abba and I don't even care anymore.." she whispered as she peddled away. 

"omma..where are you? " eun ji whispered as she licked her ice cream while looking at the beautiful cityscape across the Han river