one in a million || 1.D.

chapter 11

Ariana's POV

i sat down on my bed . shopping is so much work.. i put away my new items and changed my clothes.

what should i do....

i put my phone into my ihome speakers and selected  ' undone ' by hailey reinheart. 

( search it up on youtube. ) 

ugh... i thought about my past. like school days .

- flash back- 

" you ugly slut " zayn pushed me against the lockers.

and it's only 3:30. why are they doing this to me in school?!?! i hope they caught. i winced as i hit my head against the cold floor. 

" why didn't you push her even harder?! " Harry laughed.  no no no... that hurt enough. 

i let out  a little sob. crap.

" shut up you whore. wanna get us caught don't ya? " and then louis kicked me in the stomache. god that hurt!!

i let out a scream i need to fight back. i threw my awfully heavy textbook at zayn. it hit his eye. good. bitch.

" oh no! zayn! your going to pay little bitch "  Harry shireked . 

and he grabbed my head and slammed it against his knee. 

that plan backfired. i feel to the floor unconcious. 

--- end of flashback ---

i opened my eyes to see my shirt stained with tears. god, i can actually feel the pain.   i went to my medicine cabinet and took some meds, my stomache is hurting. 

*knock * knock 

" who is it? " i yelled. to only hear a shout from louis, 

i opened the door. full on rage. i really don't want to see him. 

so i punched him. 

" OW  YOU LITTLE WHORE WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! "  he clenched his eye. i knew it. 

it was fake.

them trying to my friend , 

but im stronger now.

like what the song said. 

" what doesn't kill you makes you stronger "  i don't even know why i agreed to have a duet with them. fakes.

" YOU BASTARD. YOU CAN'T HURT ME ANYMORE! TOUCH ME YOU FUCKING DIE! " i yelled. 

i just . hate. flash backs. depression. 

itjust too much. i know i haven't been getting hurt phsically. but my brain and stomache is always hurting... 

" shhh. i don't want to hurt you... " louis smiled, while rubbing my back.

" no. the pain you guys caused me back then is just too much. i just... i don't want to do the duet with you guys anymore . sorry . butcan you leave " i said standing up from the floor .

he nodded and walked out. 

i sniffled and walk back to my medicine cabinet.

what if i disappear?

will people miss me?

i don't have much fans anyway... most of them are haters.

no one loves me. 

no one. 

i breathed in . and took out a whole jar of of medicine. 

no one loves me

i opened the jar 

im worthless

i got some water out. 

im a whore, slut , bitch im ugly , fat ..

" SHUT UP!! " i yelled.

and drank/ate the pills. 

i ate about a handful.

i want to disappear. 

i nodded to my thought and got at least half a handful and drank/ate that too.

i start to cough. 

is this what it feels like?

coughing to death?

i fell to the ground still cough.

my lungs are closing.

good you little bitch die . right now right here. 

i shook my head to that voice.

im hearing another one.

think about your parents.

i nodded still coughing.

think about your fans , anf friends . stay alive . 

i stuck my hand into my thoart trying to get the pills out.

i need to survive. i'll get through this ...

no your doing a favor to the world . no one wants you. your a waste of space .

thats true no one wants me.

yes they do!! someone will always want you. 

thats not enough. i give up.

life id just too hard. im tired of keeping my emotions in. i want them out. 

my vision starting to blur. 

i guess....

.

.

. 

i choose death. 

then i fell.

to the ground . and  i will never see the light again. 

ever.