Always Love You (Narry) (Boyxboy)

28.Give Me A Reason

*Niall's POV*

"It...It's not my fault. It's you. You did this. This is.....your fault. My mum is dead because of.......y..you...." His words kept replaying over and over again in my head. No matter what I do, i can't get it to stop repeating.

After a few minutes I went back to Anne's room, leaving the stairwell area, where my heart was shattered into pieces. I had sat there, in that room, for a couple of hours, incapable of moving. I would still be in Anne's room if the hospital hadn't asked me to leave.

This is the worst possible outcome I could have imagined. I have tried texting Harry and calling but he won't answer me. At this point I don't even know where my phone is anymore. I still haven't stopped crying since I left the hospital.

I was lying on the sofa at our flat, probably looking a mess right now from all the crying. But I don't even care it's not like I have anyone to look good for anymore. I pulled up my sleeves and looked at my arms that were riddled with scars, running my fingers over them and remembering my secret world before Harry and how these scars fixed everything.

I ran upstairs to my room, searching for my old friend, my razor. Once I finally found it, I placed it in my pocket and went back downstairs. I kept thinking to myself that I shouldn't cut. I made a promise to Harry and even if I don't have him anymore, I'll still keep my promise.

Just having it in my pocket made me feel better. I turned on the telly, deciding to find a program to watch, so I could try and clear my mind. It was some entertainment news show that I settled on. I Wasn't paying much attention until I heard "Harry Styles mother was pronounced dead this afternoon, find out more after the break" and my heart stopped.

I pulled out my razor and set it on the coffee table in front of me. I was crying again, seriously about to lose it. When the lady came back on the telly and started talking about what happened to Harry's mum, I couldn't take it anymore.

Before I knew it, that cold, metal, sharp object I knew oh so well, was in my hand, and I made one cut and watched as it slowly began to bleed. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, enjoying the feeling my old friend brought to me.

Through my tears, I looked up at the screen as they showed Harry's face. That was when I really lost it. I made another cut and another one and I couldn't stop. I just kept dragging it across my skin over and over and over again. I was getting woozy, and light headed so I slowed down. I dropped my razor when I heard the doorbell ring, so I got up and went to go see who it was.

Slowly, I opened the door and was in complete and utter shock by the person standing in front of me on the other side of the door. "G...Gemma, what are you d..doing here?" I questioned the very upset girl before me. "Oh Niall....." She basically sobbed to me with tears flowing freely down her cheeks. She grabbed me and pulled me into her arms squeezing tightly. I winced in pain and she let me go and took a step back.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. "So, Gemma....? W..What, what's wrong?" I questioned her, taking a step closer. My knees were growing very wobbly and I placed my hand on my throbbing head, to try and stop the room from spinning.

"It's H..Harry. I..I can't find him anywhere, I'm really worried about him, he's not answering his phone and he's not at any of his normal spots he goes to when he's upset. Niall, I need your help, I think you are the only one who can get through to him. But we just have to find him first. I just need him to be ok" She said whispering the last part.

I started to respond "G..Gem" but I couldn't finish because I started to become extremely light headed and lost my balance, falling to the ground. The last thing I remember was hearing Gemma scream my name and then everything faded to black.