planets→phan

questioning//moon

"young man, homosexuality is a sin and you know it!" dan's grandma sat on the edge of dan's bed. she shook her head, disappointed. tears were in dan's eyes. his hands shook violently and his gazed remained down.

"grandma, i don't even know if im.. gay.. just because phil and i are friends doesn't mean that we are necessarily anything more," dan pushed his hands into his sleeves and he looked out the window,"please don't kick me out like mum and dad did. they didn't accept my lifestyle, and i have a feeling you don't either."

"danny," his grandma sighed and folded her hands,"if you can't accept the fact that it is bad to be this way, then my only choice is to transfer you to a different school. i can't have you with that boy as much as you are. he is a possible bad influence on you! have you seen the way he dresses? i mean, pastel colors on a male, absolutely absurd! he should seek mental help for his odd habits."

dan got angry now. his fringe covered his eyes as he turned to his grandma, eyeing her with his dark eyes shooting into her frail ones.

"say all the bad things about me, grandma. but do not, i repeat, do not, ever, discriminate phil's habits. he is perfectly perfect the way he is and some homophobic, ignorant woman is not going to change how i feel about him. he is my best friend and i would do anything to make him feel like he belongs in this world. i may not seem like it, but i care for that boy more than you will ever know."

dan's grandma sat quietly, not saying a word. she rubbed her fingers on her amethyst necklace around her neck and and adjusted her glasses.

"fine. but do not speak to me again about anything until you get your thoughts in the right path. by right path, i mean no homosexuality. don't question yourself, don't question phil. just question why it is wrong."

then, she stood up and opened dan's bedroom door. she took a key from her skirt pocket and slammed the door behind her. dan heard a lock click as she slid the key inside the keyhole. dan got up, shaking from his bed and slammed on the door.

"GRANDMA! LET ME OUT!"dan's voice quivered as he blowed punches. there was no response on the other end. his eyes watered and he slid to the floor. his feet sunk into the carpet and his voice cracked as he cried.

why did everyone hate him? why couldn't he be with phil at that exact moment? why is his grandma so unsupportive of him and how he feels?

more importantly, dan started thinking about if he really liked phil. like, more than a friend. they had only known each other for a short time, but phil was so different than everyone else. everyone else was stereotypically and intentionally a jerk, were into some bad things, and always let go of a friend after talking to them for a month or so. dan's nose sniffled as he thought of the first time they talked, in the classroom. if it wasn't for his dumb pencil breaking, he and phil wouldn't have met.

dan got up and stumbled to his backpack in the corner of the room. he pulled out his pencil case and rummaged through it. he had black and grey pencils, some with the moon or tiny glitter stars on them. in plain sight, a bright yellow pencil. even though it would be right to return it to phil, dan wanted to keep it forever. someday, if things went well, dan would remind phil in their adulthood of the pencil in homeroom. he could see it now. they would be together. dan in his dark jumpers, and phil in his bright and happy ones.

then, an idea popped into dan's head. if he couldn't face his problems, then he could run away from them. so, he grabbed his backpack and turned it upside down to empty everything out. he set the yellow pencil on his nightstand, and started filling it up with things that he would need for the road. dinosaur stuffed animal, chipped almonds from under his bed, a week-old water bottle with spring water inside, his phone, his savings, and a hat. now, to get phil.