Always

Chapter 30

The first thing that occurred to me when I woke up the next morning was the fact that I was alone.  There was no glorious body heat encasing my limbs like there had been the entire night.  The next thing I noticed was the fact that the sheets seemed to be damp, which confused me.  Finally, I noticed what should have probably been the most obvious: soft guitar music was drifting around the room in my own personal wake up song.  This song was different from the first time I had heard him play, but even more beautiful, if possible.  When I heard Harry’s quiet, deep voice singing along with the lulling music, I was convinced it was one hundred times more beautiful than anything I had ever heard. 

Taking extra care not to move and give myself away, I opened my eyes in the thinnest of slits to see Harry sitting on his desk chair across the room, his bare back to me as he quietly played the guitar.  I watched closely as the slim muscles in his forearm flexed with each chord change, his back flexed ever so slightly as he hunched over the instrument.  Once again, I was blown away by the sound of his voice; the gravel, the deep tones, the careful way he molded each word, and the emotion with which he sang were all intoxicating. 

I couldn’t hear all the words he was singing, but I caught the phrase, “Don’t let me go.”  My heart all but shattered in pain and swelled with happiness all at the same time.  I could feel the fear he must have experiencing down to my bones; the fear that someone he cared about, possibly loved, would leave him and he would be lost, leaving him crumbled and broken.  Apart from the bitingly sad part, though, was the beautiful meaning behind the fear: the desperate love that was enough to cause a person to fear being let go so much was evident.  You don’t fear losing something so much if you don’t love it with all your being, if you don’t love it enough to let it change your entire world.  

It was an emotion I was more than familiar with without even having realized it.  It was how I felt about Harry.  Every moment I spent with him, I found myself falling deeper and deeper into the all-consuming pit that was my life with him.  The deeper I fell, the harder it would be to dig myself out.  I knew that I had already developed feelings for Harry, strong, strong feelings, but this sudden realization took my breath away.  I love him.  I love Harry.

As soon as this realization hit me, I must have actually gasped audibly, because Harry jerked around on his chair to look at me.  Sure my thoughts were written all over my face, I quickly tried to compose myself before he noticed what was probably blatantly obvious.  Reigning in my thoughts, I grinned sheepishly at him and sat up, not trusting myself to speak.  I couldn’t tell him yet.  I had absolutely no idea if he felt anything close to what I did, and had to think everything over more before I blurted out something stupid.

“Eavesdropping again, I see,” he chuckled, smiling at me as he spun the chair around to face me.  My giggle that had started was cut short as my eyes scanned down his face and body.  He had removed the band-aid from his eyebrow and his bruises were much, much worse now than they had been last night.  The colors were darker, splotches wider, cuts more swollen.  I could feel my mouth open in surprise as I raised my hand up to cover my lips.

“Harry-“ I started before he cut me off.

“Joey, I know, they don’t look good, but I promise it doesn’t hurt,” he stated.

“Harry there is no way that doesn’t hurt,” I argued, eyebrows knitting together as I continued to search his body.

“Not as bad as it looks,” he admitted, putting his guitar down next to him.  “Now can we move on? I can’t take you babying me again,” he teased, smiling at me.

“I wasn’t babying you, you were hurt!” I exclaimed.  It frustrated me how lightly he seemed to be taking this.

“But I’m fine now,” he said simply, shrugging.  “I promise, I’m fine, okay?”