Always

Chapter 50

Guys! We're at Chapter 50! Wow. I can't believe it! Thank you guys so, so much for reading! If no one read, I'd have no reason to keep writing! It's crazy to think I originally wrote this just for my roommate and I, and now so many of you have read it. If any of you would like, we can follow each other on twitter and revel in the magic that is Harry Styles and One Direction together. I'm @styles_legend and I will gladly follow you back. Thank you, thank you! I love you :) xx



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My lungs were burning with the exertion of running to Harry's and the anxiety that had quickly built up as I crossed the short distance to him. When I had left my father, I had been so sure Harry would forgive me with open arms and no second thoughts, but as I ran, I became less and less sure.

I had blamed him, accused him, left him, and worst of all, hurt him. That had been evident on his face when I had spewed those words I couldn't bare to even repeat in my head. How could I possibly ever have thought Harry would say something to contribute to the demise of my parents' marriage?

I was stupid.

Of course he wouldn't. He never would. He said he would try to help me, and of course that's what he had done. He had done it in the only way he knew how- by expressing his undying love for me. It was the most beautiful and vulnerable thing he probably could have done, and I had practically thrown it back in his face without any evidence that he had said anything to the contrary.

The closer and closer I got to his house, the more and more sure I was that I would have to grovel for his forgiveness, something I knew I would have no problem doing. He had done nothing to deserve to be treated the way I had treated him; I could think of nothing I hated myself more for doing.

The sun was starting to go down now, as I had spent the majority of the day wallowing in self-pity in the park. My distaste for myself grew even more as I realized that I could not have been more self-centered today.

I had been too wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself that I hadn't even paused to consider how my mother was feeling, what my father was doing, and, perhaps worst of all, given Harry the chance to explain.

Not only am I an asshole, I am an idiot as well.

My house flew by in a blur as my feet carried me, if possible, faster towards Harry's. I ran up until I came to the big tree in his front yard, where I forced my feet to slow in hopes of catching my breath before begging for his forgiveness.

Catching a solid breath seemed to be impossible, though, because no matter what I did, I couldn't slow my heartbeat or my respirations thanks to my run and my quickly escalating panic.

My hand pressed to my forehead, shoving my sweaty hair back as I paced quickly back and forth in front of his house, probably looking like a crazy person. I didn't care- I basically was whenever it had anything to do with Harry. I took a deep breath and blew it out before turning sharply and marching determinedly to his front door.

I stared at it for a few seconds before I gathered the courage to raise my hand and give a few solid knocks. My breath was held as I waited, praying he would slam the door back in my face as soon as he saw me standing there.

I was starting to feel sick to my stomach when he finally opened the door, expression one of concern, his eyebrows furrowed low on his brow.

"Joey?" he spoke first. I was surprised to discover that he didn't slam the door on me. Just as he had earlier, he stepped out on the porch with me and closed the door behind him. He stepped closer, standing in front of me as he peered down at me with concern.

"Harry, I'm such an idiot, I'm so sorry," I blurted immediately, unable to decide what I wanted to say first. He blinked in surprise as I continued.

"I'm such an asshole, I didn't let you explain when all you had done was do what I asked and more and said such wonderful things to my dad and I just assumed... the completely wrong thing. I never should have even let that thought cross my mind much less convince myself it was true because of course you would never say anything like that and I'm just such a moron-"

"Woah, woah, Joey, take a breath, it's okay," he said soothingly, eyes widening in alarm as I rambled through my speech, which probably made next to no sense. I almost burst into tears of relief when he stepped closer to me and rubbed his hands down my arms. "Breathe."

I followed his instructions, sucking in a shaky breath and wiping viciously at the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes. I hated that I seemed to cry so much, but I couldn't help it. My emotions ran high around Harry. I took one more breath before opening my mouth to speak again.

"I'm so sorry, Harry," I started. Good, okay, good start. "I just... talked to my dad and he told me what you said," I told him. His expression remained one of concern for me.

"He did?" he asked quietly.

I nodded, staring into his eyes. "He told me... how you said how much you love me, and how you can't stand to be away from me, and how... how it hurts you to be away from me." I swallowed harshly, feeling the tears starting to build again, only different tears- tears of love. One escaped at started to trail down my cheek before it was caught by Harry's thumb, running softly against my skin.

I leaned my cheek into his palm, missing his gentle, caring touch so much it made my heart ache. He didn't say anything as he searched my face.

"I can't believe I... blamed you, and didn't give you a chance to explain or anything. I hate myself for it," I said quietly. I felt like my throat was going to start bleeding with the effort it was taking me to speak evenly without letting the tears rip through me. "I'm so sorry, Harry, please forgive me."

"Oh, Joey, love," he said, stepping even closer to me and wrapping his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. I immediately let my arms cling to him as a sob wracked through my body. Once again, I found myself crying when I was supposed to be strong. Pitiful.

"Of course I forgive you, babe, you're going through so much. I know you didn't mean it," he said gently, his lips mumbling into my hair as he hugged me tighter.

Relief flooded through me so strong it would have knocked me over if Harry hadn't been holding me up. He had forgiven me. Better, he had forgiven me, he understood, and he was here, holding me now, saving me yet again from crumbling to a thousand pieces. I did not deserve him.

"I'm sorry, Harry," I whispered again into his chest, squeezing my eyes shut and focusing on the feel of him against me, trying to pull from his strength and channel it into myself.

"I know, babe, I know," he cooed. "I forgive you. I knew you didn't mean it the minute you said it," he told me.

"How?" I asked, pulling back just enough to allow me to tilt my head up and look at him.

"I could just see it- you regretted it but were too hurt to take it back, right?"

I bit my lip and nodded slowly. "That sounds about right, yeah."

"You're going through a lot, Joey, it's easy to forgive you for saying something I know you didn't mean, even if you thought you did at the time." His fingers rubbed soothing circles on my back.

"But I hurt you..." My throat felt raw.

"Yeah but you were hurting more. People lash out at the ones they love most because they know they'll forgive them," he said sincerely.



"I don't deserve you, Harry."

"Hush," he said softly, leaning forward to kiss my forehead.

"I mean it, you just took me back after almost nothing. You talked to my dad just like I asked and didn't need anything in return. And when you did, you told him the most beautiful thing I could ever imagine. You're always here for me no matter what and I just... I don't deserve you at all," I said. My eyes dropped from his gaze.

Maybe I shouldn't have said that- maybe he would realize I was right and decide I wasn't worth all the effort. I knew that wasn't true, though. He wouldn't do that. I just wasn't used to someone actually loving me the way he did, as strongly as he did.

"You're crazy, Joey," he said, chuckling softly as his hand reached to tilt my chin back up, forcing me to look at him. "You have no idea what you've done to me."

My heart thudded in my chest as I looked at him, eyes intently staring his own, which looked... almost amused. Huh?

"Joey, you've changed my life. Because of you, I'm happy. I can actually talk about my dad now without going into a funk for weeks. I'm myself again. You pulled me out of my own world and showed me how much better I can be. I've never been happier than when I'm with you. You're my angel, Joey."

I stopped breathing at his words. If it was true that I had done all that for him, then I had never felt more fulfilled in my entire life. My heart felt like it was going to burst.

"I'm so in love with you, Harry." Tears slipped from my eyes as I said it, a watery, ecstatic wisp of a laugh escaping my lips. A smile I couldn't stop spread across my lips, accentuated by the happy droplets of salt water that trickled down my face.

"I meant every word I said to your father, Joey," he said earnestly, hands holding both sides of my face now as his fingers tucked into my hair behind my ears. My hands were gripping tightly to the sides of his hips. His thumb swiped softly across my cheek as he continued.

"There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. If I don't see you a day, I go crazy. It's like a physical pain whenever I'm not around you," he told me, eyes burning into my own. "I love you more than I could ever, ever explain."



I was so blown away by Harry's words that I did the only thing I could possibly think of: kiss him. My hands pulled at his hips, tugging him into me as my lips found his, pressing firmly together as I tried to pour every ounce of love I had for him into the kiss. His hands continued to cradle my face as his lips tucked together with mine, burning me from the inside out.

There was nothing that could quite heal me like Harry's kisses, which were always deep, thorough, emotional, everything I craved in a kiss and the perfect solution to nearly any problem. Happy tears continued to leak from my eyes as we kissed, locked together on his porch, in a world completely our own that only existed when we were together.



Every movement of his lips could be felt down to my toes, expressing so much more than just a kiss. I felt love, trust, empathy, strength, safety, need. A desperate need that burned through my body, consuming me like fire.

Harry was what I needed, and apparently I was what he needed, as well. I had always felt like I needed him more than he needed me, but after what he had just told me, it was apparent that we were both equally dependent on one another.

He was my safety, my warmth, while I was his courage, his strength. He was everything I hadn't known I needed until I had him, and I knew I would never be the same again. He had changed me, in almost every way, for the better.

I love him, he loves me, and all is perfect in our world here in each other's arms, as long as we have each other.

Thank you for reading xx