Always

Chapter 36

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It had been nearly two hours since I had called Harry, and I had received no reply.  Not so much as a text had come through to my phone.  To make matters worse, a huge storm had decided to break seemingly directly over my house, knocking out the power.  I had been sitting alone in my pitch-black room for the entirety of the power outage so far, the only source of light coming from the frequent lightning strikes. 

Trying to distract my mind from thoughts of Harry, I had begun to count the crashes of thunder only to lose count around fifty.  So much for distraction.  I lay back on my bed, staring at the ceiling with unblinking eyes.  Brief flashes of light cast dramatic shadows across my walls, giving a visual to what I imagined my heart probably looked like.  Dark, sharp, broken.  I wished the storm would just give out, already.  The loud crashes seemed to personify far too well how I was feeling inside. 

I jumped when a different pounding sound rang out through my house.  I pushed myself up to my elbows, leaning my head toward where I thought the sound had come from only to hear silence that was quickly interrupted by another boom of thunder. 

Hmm.  Must have just been more thunder.  I lay back down against my comforter before jerking upright again as another bout of pounding sounded through the house, different from the crashing thunder.  This time I identified the source: someone was at my front door. 

I thought about ignoring whoever it was; I was in no way presentable and it was probably just a neighbor checking on me because of the power outage.  They would assume that I wasn’t home when I didn’t answer and go away. 

I had just laid my head down again, determined to ignore the unwanted visitor, when a third round of pounding sounded against the door.  For heaven’s sake, I thought to myself as I heaved my body off my bed.  Give it up.  I made my way down the dark staircase, ready to get rid of this person as soon as possible so I could return to my wallowing in peace.  I grabbed the handle and pulled the door open.  “I’m fine, don’t wo-“

My words froze in my throat as I took in the sight before me.  Harry stood in my doorway, completely drenched to the bone.  He was breathing heavily as he shoved his sopping wet hair out of his eyes.  My jaw was hanging open ridiculously wide in shock as I stared at him. 

What was he doing here?  My mouth opened and closed several times, trying to find words but failing miserably.  The pounding in my chest was so loud I was sure he would be able to hear it, even over the crashing thunder and downpour.

“Joey,” he said, voice deep and gravelly.  It sounded like he hadn’t spoken in days.  I stared at him for a few more seconds before managing to choke out a reply.

“H-Harry.”  His eyes burned into mine as he stood dripping on my front porch. 

“I need to say something, and I don’t want you to say anything until I’m done, okay?” he said, wringing his hands together in front of him.

“Harry, what’s going o-“                                                    

“I’ll explain, just let me finish, okay?” he repeated, anxiety clearly written across his face.  There was something else there too that I couldn’t decipher.  I pursed my lips together and nodded, confused.  He shoved his hand through his hair again before speaking.

“I’m so sorry, Joey, you have no idea how sorry I am.  I-I shouldn’t have run away from you.  I hate myself for doing that.  It was stupid and cowardly and pathetic and I just… I don’t know what I was thinking.  I just was so shocked when you said that… that you love me that I panicked and left.  I just never thought a girl like you could ever possibly love me so my first response was to run away.  No one has ever said anything like that to me, much less someone as amazing and perfect and beautiful as you.  I didn’t deserve you then and I definitely don’t deserve you now… I’m just a loser from your school that you felt bad for and I don’t want you to feel like you have to stick with me but… you’re honestly the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m so ridiculously in love with you that I don’t even know how to handle it.  Clearly,” he finished his speech by biting his lip as he looked at me, his eye contact having never wavered from me.