Always

Chapter 61

My heart throbbed in my chest as I gaped through the windshield at the scene in front of me, unable to tear my eyes from the horror. Harry's thigh was gripped tightly in my hand as I leaned through the seats. There was a ringing in my ears, blocking out any actual sound from traveling to them, and I felt like I was going to throw up. I tried to swallow the panic rising in my throat, but my muscles wouldn't cooperate.

Suddenly, all at once, it was as if the weird sound vacuum that had sucked all the noise from around me shattered, the chaos of the environment crashing down and filling my senses. My mind buzzed with the utter madness surrounding me, unable to comprehend anything aside from the paramedics working furiously on the unconscious boy.

Numbly, my hand rose to fumble the door handle, sloppily attempting to grip it and let myself out of the back seat as I continued to stare at the scene in front of me. I could vaguely hear Harry saying something to me, the low tones of his voice drowned out by the noise outside and in my head.

My actions became more frantic as I struggled to open the door, finally hitching the latch and pushing against it. The cold air of the night rushed into the warm car, still not feeling as cold as my body. I fumbled my way out of the car, tripping over my own feet and landing on the cold pavement. Immediately I felt a large pair of hands grip me around the waist, gently pulling me to my feet.

As soon as I was standing, I started walking hastily toward the center of the activity, needing to see it for myself and confirm what I already knew. My steps were clumsy and uneven, their pace quickening the closer I got.

I knew Harry was calling my name, following close behind me, but I ignored him. He would try and stop me, and I needed to see this. His hand closed around my wrist as I walked, trying to pull me back to him, but I shook him off. He grabbed my arm again, more firmly this time, trying to stop me; trying to protect me from seeing what I had caused.

"Joey-"

"No, Harry! Let me go," I shouted, not looking at him. He released my arm but continued to follow close behind me, resigning.

I had reached the circle of flashing vehicles, getting closer and closer. I was about to rush forward to get a glimpse of him when a man in a police uniform stopped me, gently putting both hands on my shoulders.

"You need to stay back, miss," he said solidly. He looked down at me with a clearly stressful expression written on his face.

"No, you don't understand, I need to see him," I said, trying to push my way past the police officer.

"I'm sorry, you can't," he repeated, holding me back. I leaned my face around his wide shoulders, desperate to get by him but physically unable to. One of the paramedics working on the boy leaned back to grab something, opening a small window into the ring they had formed.

My knees buckled as I saw what was in the center. The boys face was mangled, with deep, searing red cuts covering his skin, his nose clearly broken. A deep gash was surging with blood across his forehead, and a small pool of the red liquid had formed beneath his head. An oxygen mask was strapped to his face while several pairs of hands worked on him, attempting to stem the blood flow in different areas of his body.

One man pressed a stethoscope to his chest, listening to his heart and lungs, his face screwed up in concentration. Yet another man was wrapping a large bandage around his leg, covering an open gash that appeared to have bone sticking out of it, clearly broken. It was Colt, alright, and it was completely my fault.

I didn't know much about car accidents, but I knew if they were working on him here in the middle of the road instead of going to the hospital, it probably wasn't good.

I stared at the horrific scene, resting on my knees as my jaw hung open in shock. Harry's hands wrapped around my shoulders, gently lifting me up from the ground. I let him this time, needing him. He slowly turned me to face him, and his pale face coming into my line of vision as the nightmare continued on behind my back.

As terrified as he looked, he was holding himself together, knowing he had to be strong for me. His hands, which were trembling slightly, slid up my shoulders and neck before holding my face, forcing me to look at him. Panic had completely taken over my body, making my muscles stiff, my breath come in ragged, uneven pants, and my heart pound erratically.

"Joey, baby, look at me," he said desperately as my eyes went in and out of focus, his face swimming before me. His thumbs ran back and forth across my skin, trying to bring me back to him. He ducked his face to level with mine, peering into my eyes as I struggled to react.

"Joey, please," he pleaded, his tone strained. "Please, baby, talk to me."

I blinked once, only managing to stay standing because of Harry's touch but still unable to speak. What I had just seen was burned into my brain, flashing into my vision and blending with Harry's face in front of me. There had been so much blood, so much blood, staining the ground. How could a person survive that much blood loss? Not to mention all the other damage that was surely inflicted on him.

Colt was reckless driver on his own, much less when he was extremely drunk and angry; I could only imagine how careless he must have been when he crashed.

"Baby, I love you, please," Harry begged, sounding like he was on the verge of tears. Fear shown through evident in his eyes as he desperately tried to dig me out of my head. I let out a gasp, finally able to do something other than gape in horror.

"Harry," I whispered, my voice cracking. Relief flooded his face as he hastily pulled me forward, kissing my cheek and wrapping his arms around me tightly.

I broke. A sob wracked through my body, releasing an unrelenting wave of choking sobs, quickly descending into hysteria. My arms wound around his torso, hugging him to me tighter than ever before as I sobbed into his chest. He didn't let me go as he whispered soothing words into my ear and stroked his hand through my hair.

As much as he tried to keep control and be strong, I could tell he was cracking, too. His voice came out in a hoarse, tense tone and I could feel his hands shaking as they ran down my back. The noise carried on behind me as I clutched him, trying to focus on his voice and his body to push the panic down in my body. I couldn't stop the haunting visions from taking over my sight, even when I squeezed my eyes shut.

A change in the sound behind me caused me to open my eyes. I glanced up at Harry to see him looking over my head at what was going on, his eyes narrowed as he tried to understand. Turning over my shoulder, I saw that the paramedics had stood from their ring on the ground and raised the stretcher. When they started pushing it toward the ambulance, I had to know what was going on.

I separated myself from Harry but held onto his hand, tugging him with me. I approached as close as I could before I was stopped by another person, this time a woman, in a uniform.

"You can't go any closer," she said, looking sternly at Harry and I.

"I know him and I just need to know if he's gonna be okay," I choked out, craning my neck to see around her.

"You know him?" she asked, her serious face softening a bit.

"Yes, is he gonna be okay?" I pressed. Harry stood close next to me, his hand coming to rest on my lower back.

"He's suffered a major head injury and has several broken bones. He probably has pretty extensive internal injuries but we won't know for sure until we get him into surgery," she told me.

"Surgery?" I repeated, voice dropping drastically in volume.

"But is he... will he make it?" Harry asked, unsure of how to word it. It suddenly struck me how terribly familiar this must feel to Harry, whose father had died in a car accident. Instantly I forgot about my guilt and emotional trauma and felt the need to comfort him, for whom this was probably so much more scarring and haunting.

Again, here I was being the selfish one, leaning on him when I should have been stronger and been there for him. He really was a better person than I could ever dream to be.

"He's stable enough to move, and I'm think if we can get him into surgery he'll make it, but I can't make any promises," she said. It wasn't much, but her statement made me feel better. I had been so certain he was already dead that this news was a shock. I felt myself visibly sag relief, as did Harry next to me.

I nodded at the woman before she walked away and managed to swallow, my eyes focusing on the stretcher still, which was now being loaded into the back of the ambulance. I got one more look at the shocking state Colt was in before the paramedics climbed in and slammed the door shut. Almost instantly, the siren was turned back on and the ambulance sped away.

I had stopped crying, but my face was still wet from the tears I had shed moments before. I hastily wiped them off my cheeks before wrapping my arms around Harry's neck. His strong arms wound around my waist and hugged me to him as I buried my face in his neck, breathing him in to calm myself down. Neither of us said anything as we held each other, still trying to process what had just happened.

After what felt like hours, I pulled my stiff body back from his. I was surprised to see a tear streaking down Harry's cheek, unaware that he had started crying. I gingerly reached up my hand to wipe it from his skin, swiping my thumb across his cheek. He sniffed lightly, his eyes looking exceptionally green in contrast with the red that had seeped into them from his crying.

"Let's go home," I said softly. He didn't say anything but nodded gently, sniffling once more before leaning forward to press a quick kiss to my forehead. He took my hand and we started walking back to Sarah's car, away from the bloody and mangled mess behind us. Sarah was perched against the hood of her car, shocked expression on her face as she stared at the ground with a hand pressed over her mouth.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked her gently. She sucked her lips into her mouth and pinched her eyebrows together, her nostrils flaring as she nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I think so," she said shakily. She blinked a few times, trying to clear her vision before looking up at us. "Yeah, I'm fine," she repeated, trying to convince herself as much as she was us.

I walked forward slowly and placed a hand on her arm. She jumped slightly, looking alarmed as she looked at me with wide eyes.

"If you're not, it's okay," I told her, trying to keep my voice calm. We had all just witnessed something tragic, and I knew it would take a while to get over it.

"No, I'm fine, really," she said, pushing herself off the hood and walking stiffly to get in the front seat of her car. I glanced at Harry, who nodded gently before pulling me to get in the back seat with him.

He let me get in first before sliding himself in after me, immediately wrapping his arm around my back and pulling me to lean against him, his other hand coming to rest above my knee. My arm slung around his torso, needing his contact to keep me calm. I focused on taking deep breaths as Sarah backed away from the scene to find a way around the anarchy.

No one spoke on the ride home, too tense and still in shock to form any full sentences. Harry's fingers slid lightly across my knee, soothing me with his gentle touch. Before long, Sarah was pulling into my driveway. She threw the car into park as she took a deep breath in her seat.

"Thank you so much, Sarah," I managed. "Do you wanna stay here for a bit? You don't have to drive home alone," I offered. I knew the last thing I would want to do after seeing that would be to be alone.

She shook her head, looking at me in her rearview mirror. "No, that's okay, I'll be okay," she said, gently declining. I nodded.

"Okay, thanks again," I said before giving a small wave and climbing out of the car after Harry. "Bye."

Harry and I walked up the front walk, silently letting ourselves into my house. He closed the door behind us, locking it. It was nearly three in the morning now, and I was exhausted in every possible way- physically, mentally, emotionally. I was drained.

I stumbled as I pulled off my shoes, barely managing to regain my balance. I could feel Harry move behind me, his chest pressing into my back as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, forearms crossing over my chest. He ducked his head next to mine and he rested his chin on my shoulder. It was like he was a blanket, covering me in his warmth and protection. I could feel his lips tuck into my neck, pressing a kiss there before speaking.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly. I brought my hands up to grip his forearms.

"I don't think so," I said honestly, ducking my head to kiss the skin covering his arm. "Are you?"

"No," he replied. I knew we were both hurting, both feeling responsible. For Harry, it was even worse, tonight's events a grim reminder of what was probably the worst day of his life- losing his father.

I didn't know what to say that could possibly make him feel better, because in all honesty, I knew it would be a lie. This was my fault, but I knew Harry would blame himself just as much. We were the reason Colt had been made to leave the party. True, we weren't the ones who had made him drive drunk, but it wouldn't have been necessary if it weren't for us.

Guilt so heavy surged through me I thought it would drag me down to the floor and crush me into dust.

"Let's go to bed, Harry," I said softly, thinking of no other way to sooth him other than just being there with him. We both knew it wouldn't help to say it wasn't our fault; we knew that was a lie.

He nodded against my neck, kissing my skin one last time before unwrapping his arms. He followed me up the stairs to my room, his movements seeming heavy and burdened. Without a second thought, I pulled off my jeans and top before throwing on a t-shirt. I looked to Harry, who was still standing, unmoving, on the other side of my room. The hollow expression on his face scared me, and I crossed over to him.

I slid my hands up his chest before wrapping them around his face, like he had done to me. I pulled his face down to mine, and he blinked slowly at me.

"Harry," I said gently. "Let's go to bed," I repeated.

I slid my hands back down his chest to unbutton his shirt and side it off his shoulders. The red fabric fell to the floor before I methodically removed his belt and pulled it from the loops. He allowed me to unbutton and unzip his jeans before he seemed to realize what I was doing and pushed them down. He stepped out of them so he was in just his boxers.

Grabbing my hands in his, he raised one to his lips and kissed it lightly.

"Thank you," he said. I attempted to smile but probably only managed a weak grimace.

"Of course, babe." I held onto his grip and pulled him to my bed, letting him climb in first before following after him and pulling the covers over us.

We both lay on our sides, facing each other. His arm was extended under my head, curling up to let his fingers tangle through my hair and allowing my head to rest on his bicep. My hip was encircled in his other arm as he pulled me as close to him as possible, my arm wrapping around his torso.



Neither of us said anything as we lay there, awake and thinking. The only thing either of us seemed able to do was hold each other, attempting to let our bodies heal the damage our minds had endured tonight.



Hey guys! Thank you for reading! The previous long, annoying message on here has been deleted because I've been unsuspended! Yay! :)