speak | taehyung

sixteen: wasted tears

"I've liked you! For goodness sake, how are you so oblivious. I like you so freaking much. Every time I see you I want to hold you in my arms. Every day we spend together feels like infinity. You're so freaking likeable. And I don't meant to cross this line you've created between us, but I want to be more than just friends. I want to kiss you without making lame excuses like 'practice'. You know I never really wanted to ask out piano girl. I just needed a plausible reason to kiss you." Your polo reeked of alcohol.

I stood there unamused. My stomach began churning and though you were drunk, your words caused me to lose my composure.

"You should really stop getting drunk. You know how dangerous alcohol is? Why have you been getting drunk so of-"

In an instant you had me silent as you roughly pushed me against the wall, and pressed your lips against mine. It was like the clock stopped ticking. I honestly thought I was dreaming until I felt your hands tracing down my shoulders to lace with my fingers, which were trembling uncontrollably. You were my first second kiss and I never had real experience kissing anyone, so I didn't know. Was I kissing you right?

With my small knowledge of kisses I had always assumed they would taste sweet. Ours tasted the complete opposite.

Your lips were eager with desire and passion, but they slowed down overtaken by fear of something much greater than feelings. Friendship. But you didn't stop. I couldn't tell you to either. You were addicting. And deadly.
Suddenly I was high on your love and absorbed in your breath. I didn't need to smoke or taste alcohol to feel the kind of pleasure that your lips brought to mine.

That was as far as you went. A kiss. Because we both knew that I was just too innocent for you. And you were unaccustomed to innocence. That's probably why you denied liking me.

•

"Hey...Uhmmm....so you know last night...you came over and you kinda kis-"

"Oh yeah! I just remembered I spoke to that new hot girl and it looks like we're going out this Friday. She seems so eager. Looks like I'm getting some this Friday."

"Oh-I was...never mind. Have fun."

"I should get going. By Al!" Your ruffled my hair and treated me like a child with your contagious smile. I could feel my chest tighten. This was turning into torture. I was done with controlling my feelings, so I cried. Even your liveliness couldn't uplift the spirits which you broke.

Yes I was small and innocent but I was strong enough to save my tears for when the pain was beyond unbearable.

It was a foolish thing. To waste my tears on you and that stupid kiss you probably didn't even give a damn about.

author's note:

okay so i feel like I'm getting repetitive with this. BUT I PROMISE IT WILL GET BETTER! this chapter was just to emphasize how confusing Taehyung is. :)))) the next will be far more interesting I promise.

Thank you for all the comments I really love reading all of them :)))