Your Greatest Mistake

Chapter Eighteen

Niall's POV

It was about three o'clock in the morning. Of course I wasn't sleeping because I never really did anymore. It's been about two months since the night that Riley and I took a break or broke up or whatever. It's been so awkward living with her. Something is different. She's become cold and guarded. I was still so confused about what had went on that night. What changed her mind in such a short time? Why did she stay? How was she holding it together so well? Wait, how was I? I rolled over and stared at the cream colored walls in my room. I was half asleep when I heard the screaming, her screaming. Riley's screaming. I got up and almost tripped over my own two feet running to her room. I burst through the doors and saw her tossing and turning. She was having a bad dream and she was screaming. I ran to her bed and tried to shake her awake.

"Riley, Riley wake up!" I shouted.

She opened her eyes and stopped screaming. And that was when she started crying, wait no bawling. She clutched onto me and sobbed. She was viciously shaking until I wrapped my arms around her.

"Sh, sh, sh calm down. I'm here. Breathe." I whispered to her.

She didn't say anything. She just sobbed, barely taking any breaths in between.

"What happened? What scared you?" I asked.

She didn't answer me. She was starting to scare me.

"Riley!" I yelled.

"Why?" She asked.

"Why what?" I asked.

"Why did you say all of those things that night?" She asked.

"Because I didn't want to hurt you." I said.

"That doesn't make sense. You did hurt me." She said.

"Ana and I kissed!" I blurted out.

She looked up at me with wide eyes.

"You what?" She asked.

"We kissed. I never meant for it to happen. I never had the heart to tell you and neither did she." I said.

"I hate you." She said.

"What?" I asked.

"I hate you. I trusted you after breaking my heart and you did this? My best friend. I can't believe you did this. I may love you, but I don't like you." She said.

She let go of me and moved away. She walked to the bathroom and locked the door. I heard her slide down the wall and then I heard the sound that broke my heart the most, her crying. I just broke her heart. Again. There was no going back. How could I do this to her? I spent the rest of the night sitting outside the bathroom and telling her how much I love her. She either responded that's not enough or I know. She never did say she loved me back. I kept telling her how I knew I kept making mistakes and how I would love if she would let me explain. I told her that Ana kissed me and I didn't enjoy it. She kept saying okay and giving me one word answers. I could hear the hurt in her voice. How could I have messed up so badly this time? Was this the end of us? When I asked she just kept saying that she didn't know and that we were on a break. What the hell does that even mean? Eventually, I fell asleep and when I woke up she wasn't here. I instantly freaked out. I ran to hear room to see that everything was still there. There was a note on her dresser.

Out. Be back later. -R.

I took a deep breath, a sigh of relief. At least she would be back. I sat down on her bed and started thinking about what happened between Ana and I. She saw me walking home. She stopped and we talked for a while. I turned to leave and she blurted out how she had always had feelings for me. She said that Riley wasn't worth the stress and pain. I opened my mouth to protest, but before I could she pressed her lips against my own. I pushed her away. She apologized and began crying and saying how she was wrong and to never tell Riley or the boys or Cat. I just finally couldn't take it anymore. And now Riley hates me. I heard the door of the room open and looked up to see Riley standing in the doorway. She made eye contact with me and left the room. Her eyes looked so sad. I followed her into the living room and sat next to her on the couch. I tried to put my arms around her, but she moved away. Ouch...

"Please talk to me." I begged.

She picked up her phone and headphones. She was going to drown me out with music.

"Riley please!" I yelled.

"Please what?" She snapped.

"Talk to me!" I shouted.

"And say what Niall? How I love that you kissed my best friend? Or how about calling me suicidal in front of your friends?" She said.

"I'm sorry!" I screamed.

"Sorry isn't good enough this time Niall! How about this, sorry but I think I need to move out." She said.

She got up and walked to her room. She slammed the door and left me sitting in shock. Before I could stop myself, I was crying. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath, like I was just injured. Is this the pain that I have been giving her? Is this what heartbreak feels like?

"No, no no no." I cried.

She couldn't leave me! She just can't. I love her. I walked over to her room and opened the door. She was packing. It felt like I had cracked a rib. The pain was indescribable. I began sobbing and I could no longer control myself. This couldn't be happening.

"I-I'm sorry Niall. Maybe this is for the best." She muttered.

"No! You are killing me Riley! Don't do this!" I yelled.

"I have to go!" She said.

"You're all I have!" I screamed.

With that I slid down the wall to the floor. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my body as if to keep myself together. I repeated what I last said over and over again. She just sat and stared at me. Her eyes grew wide as she looked at my arms. She saw them. The things I have been trying to hide for weeks. The cuts.

"Niall, what did you do to yourself?" She asked.