Gerard lay in bed at four am, awake and wanting to die. They hadn't felt like this in a while. Sure, usually, they didn't find the idea of death all that worrying and probably wouldn't mind dying, but at this point they would have given up quite a lot to die. They wanted to slice their skin open with harsh metal, to leave blood and scars over their body. They knew they shouldn't though.
And because they knew they shouldn't they lay perfectly still trying to fight the urge that only grew stronger with each passing moment.
They decided to actively try and do something to get rid of this urge. So, they picked up their phone and messages the only person they trusted enough to talk to. Their younger brother.
Help me
-G
Text Frank, he'll understand more than I can
-m
I can't, I only trust you
-G
One minute
-m
A moment passed as Gerard waited for their younger brother to open the door, and he did.
'You ok?'
'Not even a little bit...' Gerard bit down on their lip and realised they have been inadvertently scratching at their arms, they stopped.
'You know, I think you can trust Frank, I think you could help each other....' Mikey walked towards the bed.
'How?' Gerard kept gnawing at their lip.
'Just, he's trustworthy and understanding, and really, I love you, but I can't help you enough, you need more than just me. We could both help, only if you want though.'
Gerard lay staring at the ceiling thinking this over. After about five minutes they slowly nodded.
'I'll text him to meet us in the park, is that ok?' Gerard slowly nodded again in response. 'Ok, get up and put on a jacket, and stop scratching your arms, please.'
The air was crisp and cool and there was a slight breeze blowing through the park. Frank sat on swing smoking and staring in the direction of the Way's house, thinking about the message Mikey had sent him.
Gee needs your help. Park, 10 minutes
-m
He was curious as to how he could help anyone, let alone Mikey's older sibling. He had already been in the park when he had received the message, he was about to leave but decided to stay.
Soon two dark figures made their way around the corner and into the light of a streetlight, soon stepping back into brief darkness before passing through another small pool of light. They quietly made their way into the park and towards Frank.
'Hey, what's up? How may I be of assistance? Don't tell me you just wanted a cigarette.'
Mikey shook his head and looked towards his older sibling who was standing awkwardly hunched over staring at the ground.
'You tell him,' they whispered quietly so only Mikey could hear.
'Are you sure?' he whispered back, receiving a nod in reply. 'Ok.' He walked towards Frank, wanting to say it quietly as it would probably make Gerard more comfortable and less anxious or worried about the possibility of someone else hearing it, despite them probably being the only people in the whole town awake.
'Gerard needs someone to talk to about some problems and I think you are a much better person to talk about having gone through similar problems while I have not, and hopefully you could both help each other with these problems...'
Frank looked from Mikey to Gerard then back to Mikey before simply asking, 'what problems?'
Gerard's head shot up as they heard these words, looking more nervous than they had when leaving the house and agreeing to talk to Frank about these things.
'Gee is very...uh....paranoid about these things... so maybe don't talk so loudly about them, for their sake...' Frank simply nodded in agreement.
'So, I promise you, Frank is ok to talk to, you can trust him,' Mikey smiled at his sibling.
'So, Gerard Way, what do you need to talk about?' Frank raised his eyebrows at them.
'I don't know...'
'Ok...' he pulled two cigarettes from his pocket along with a lighter, lit them both, and handed one to Gerard before placing the other in his mouth.
'I don't really know if I can trust you, and I don't really know if I should trust you...'
'That's ok, I am understand that. What can I do to help you out with trusting me?' Frank yawned between drags of his cigarette.
'I don't really know,' they sat on the swing beside Frank. While Mikey sat on the ground close by.
'You can trust him I promise,' Mikey ok said softly to his older sibling before turning to Frank and saying, 'I know that it's a sensitive topic, and if it is too much for you just say and you don't have to talk about it...'
Frank nervously looked between the Way siblings.
'It's sort of like when you don't trust yourself...'
'Can I trust them?' Frank said, mostly to himself.
'Gerard is the person I trust most in the world. They are the least judgmental person I know and honestly they have nobody to tell any of your secretes to.'
'That seems a bit harsh...' frank looked at Mikey who just shrugged as if to say 'harsh but true' then at Gerard who had spent the entire time staring at the ground and absentmindedly scratching their arm.
'Hey, stop that!' Frank grabbed Gerard's hand. 'You shouldn't do that, you'll hurt yourself.' He said as he turned their arm over to reveal that they had already hurt themselves. That was when Frank decided he could trust Gerard. Because they needed each other, even if Frank was the only one that thought that.
'You can destroy yourself to die or destroy yourself to create a new self.' Gerard mumbled to nobody in particular, Mikey and Frank weren't sure that Gerard had meant to speak those words aloud of even notices that they had said them.
'Which do you want to do?' Frank looked at Gerard, not sure he would get a response but feeling that Gerard would respond in the same way Frank would have a few months prior. And maybe even how Frank would have responded being given the same question at that point in time too.
Mikey stared at their older sibling. With tears starting to fill his eyes, because Gerard had never mentioned death before. Not like this anyway. Not in a way that implies that Gerard wanted to die. Mikey knew that his older sibling struggled with their mental health and with self harm and potentially a range of other things that he could only try to help them with, but he never even thought Gerard could consider death an option.
Gerard turned their head and looked at Frank, with a half serious half scared look on their face.
'Sometimes I'm not sure.' they whispered so only Frank could hear.
