01) Hi! So I've recently lost a friend - a very very close one in fact- and even though I act as if I'm not that bothered, I am. I don't have anyone to talk to, because I feel as if everyone will think I'm pathetic. :(
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As you start to grow up, friendships become a lot more complicated. Lying, secrets, bitching; most of us have been through it.
The thing is, the fact that your friend has shunned you, without any explanation, shows that she's not exactly a great friend. I could be wrong, maybe she has a reason for it, but still. People that want you in their life, make an effort to keep you in.
Whether it's losing a friend to death, having a friend move away, or simply falling out with them, everyone deals with situations differently. It's completely normal for you to feel upset, or pathetic. But you aren't. Think of it this way - you may be emotional, but at least you're feeling something.
Losing people that're close to you hurts, and a small part of you will most likely always miss your friendship, but that "pit in the stomach" feeling will eventually disappear, and you'll be able to go on, happily again.
Don't bottle up your emotions, that's probably the worse thing you could ever do in this situation. Whether people think you're being pathetic or not, you're only human. You're aloud to hurt. You're aloud to be upset, and the chances are, a lot of people will probably understand how you're feeling.
If there's honestly nobody that you can try talking to, write about it. Write about your grief, and about how much you miss her. Let the words flow; let everything out - nobody's judging you when it's just you and the pen. Laugh at all the memories you've shared. Do not pretend to hate her. Don't convice yourself that you hate her either. You'll just get into a load of denial. Don't pretend that you don't miss her; that you're not bothered that she's walked out of your life. What if she wanted to try and fix your friendship? Chances are, she wouldn't bother, if she'd think you weren't bothered.
The best thing to do, would be to try and move on. Its not what you want to hear, I know. But, it's sadly true. Join a club, and try and meet new people. Socialize with people that you wouldn't usually talk to. Focus on the good in your life, and eventually, you won't have to fake being happy.
I hope things get better for you - keep your head up high.
Khaya xxx
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Teenage Dirtbags
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