I run and run till my legs won't take my body anymore, and collapse onto the floor. I don't even know where I am. I don't know where to go, in fact. I'm not going to fuck up Kayla's night, that's for sure.
I break down into tears on the ground, letting it all out. I cry, and cry.
When my breathing is steady once again, I pull one of Kayla's ciggarettes out of my bag and light it, smoke evaporating into pretty thick patterns in the icy air. I wish I had some sort of pill, or even just a spliff, or bottle of vodka so that I could forget about everything for a while. But I don't; and the cigarettes are my last resort. At least they'll relax me a little.
I look around at my surroundings. I'm not far from Kayla's; sat on a bench in a football field behind the estate. It's completley empty.
It's not hard to see why: rain is pouring from the sky, and there are angry dark thunder clouds closing in above me. I inhale a long drag of smoke, then breathe it out in rings. I feel so dirty. Just thinking of what just happened fills my eyes up with tears.
How could my mum just watch him do that to me?
It's almost like it's happening again...I'm watching her get smaller, and smaller; weaker and weaker.
ARGH!
I scream loudly once more in fustration.
Her boyfriend...he touched me! I bite my bottom lip so hard that blood start running down my lip, right down my neck.
''You don't look too good.'' Demario's voice says. It's so close. It's so familliar now that I've noticed the accent. The same accent as my family down in London, as my dad. It reminds me of home; which ironic as it sound, despite the crime rates and whatever you want to say about London, is a sweet heaven. My heart aches to go back. I can't stand it here. Everything has started to remind me of all the shit what's happened to me.
''No...'' I reply. It comes out in a whisper. I breathe out more smoke. I must look terrible; my hair will have turned curly again in the rain, and I can feel the mascara running down my cheeks.
''I'm a prick, you know.'' He says, sitting down next to me.
''I figured. What's your point?'' I ask him.
''That I can listen. I'm not good with problems, I mean, fucking hell I can't even handle my own Kyla, but I can try, if you want me to.'' He looks me in the eye. Something sweetens me when he says my name. And so I decide to forget that he's an arragont, annoying jerk for now. I need somebody right now. If I was just my normal depressed self, I'd look to alcahol, heavy bassline and clubbing to relieve my pain. But this was different. I felt so frightened. I'm so scared of it happening again. I'm so close to going back to London now. Mum was almost better. It can't.
I start to cry again. Demario lets me cry into his chest. It's weird because I hardly know him. But I'm showing such vunerability; the kind of vunerability I refuse to let anybody see! I mean, Mikayla hardly even sees this side to me. And here I am, crying my eyes out, making myself look so weak to a boy I hardly know.
''You don't have to talk about it.'' He whispers into my ear. He smells of One Million, smoke, and mint.
I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. Then he catches my eye. He brings his face so close to mine, his eyes on my lips...I could swear he's about to kiss me.
Then bam, he pulls away. For some reason, I feel some kind of annoyance. I'm used to boys wanting me. I'm the one who pulls away! I'm the one who does that! I leave people hanging...usually boys can't resist me!
And you know, right now? I could really do with this. Something to replace the memory of Gary's earlier actions, whoms fingers have seemed to leave a handprint on my thigh. Ugh. Just the thought of it makes me shiver. I look back up at Demario. I need this.
I lean in and kiss him. He dosen't resist. I'm so good at this, I know exactly what to do; when to stop. All those late nights in corners of parties, back of clubs, and hotel rooms, with Kayla not far away from me doing the same. It's one of the things I do to relieve pain.
His kisses are warm and his tounge works perfectly around mine.
Just from a kiss; I can tell he's good at this too.
I pull away, my lips still parted, only a millimetre away from his, just to tease him. He looks at me.
''You like that?'' I ask him. I can't help but smile.
''I thought you were trying to get rid of me you know. Something about your attitude?'' He jokes.
There's a comfortable silence between us for a few seconds.
''I thought you were going out tonight?'' I remark.
''I never said that, did I?'' He smiles. ''Yeah, I am. But then some bitch was screaming the roof of my house down so I thought I'd go check nobody was being murdered.'' He says, teasingly. ''What are you doing now, anyway?'' He asks, curiously.
Well I'm not going home.
And I'm not interuptting Kayla and Tyrells' date.
''Nothing.'' I reply.
''What, so you're just gonna sit here in the rain?'' He smirks.
''Yeah, guess so.'' I shrug.
''Come back to mine for a bit, stupid.'' He smiles at me.
I should have said no. I know his type. I was falling into his trap. But I wanted to forget everything. I said yes.
