Insurgent: Traitor

Chapter 5

I wake up to hearing my door close. I drifted off last night thinking of how to get Marco to spill his guts out to me. It's going to be a hell lot more difficult than I thought, I realize, when I see his face all I see is a cruel man with nothing to loose but his pride.

So here's my plan: I have to get close to him, real close. I have to get him to open up to me, open up to me like Tobias did when he took me into his fear landscape. I need him to trust me like Tobias trusted me when I stuck the syringe in his neck injecting the fear landscape serum and when I told him I don't pity him for not being a kicked puppy.

I have to love him like I love Tobias. I have to want him like I want Tobias.

I have to trust him like I trust Tobias.

Or, at least I have to make him think I do.

Because the truth is I feel none of those things towards Marco. What I do feel however is hate. Hate, and a need for revenge. A need to put as much distance between him and I as possible. I want the ground to open up and swallow him whole. I just . . I just want him away from Tobias and I. I want Tobias by my side and Marco on the other side of the planet. On the other side of the moon.

But in order to get what I want from him I can't have him gone, not just yet. No, to get what I want I have to have him by my side, and I have to enjoy it.

It's sick and ironic. I know, but that's what it takes.

"What do you see, love?" Marco says. I hate it when he calls me that. I realize now that while I've been lost in thought about how to manipulate Marco, I have been staring at Marco.

Maybe I can use this moment to my advantage. I look away quickly and feel my cheeks get hot. Seemingly in embarrassment, but really it's because I am restraining myself from drop-kicking him. He walks closer and I'm still not looking at him. He reaches down and grabs my chin to force me to look at him. He's right there, millimeters away from my face. I expected him to be close but not this close. It's so uncomfortable being near him. It's like the air is choking on awkward and desperation to get away. But like anyone with any uncomfortable moment I have to sit through it and wait it out. It's not like I have many more options.

He leans closer into me, which is nearly impossible because he is already so close. The whiskers growing on his cheeks tell me he has neglected to shave today, as they brush against my cheek I shiver.

His breath tickles my ear when he whispers to me. "I asked you, love, what do you see".

"I. . I, um," I stutter, I fumble. What do I say? What will benefit Tobias and I more? What will make us safe?

The answer is nothing, there is nothing to say, there is nothing that can benefit Tobias and I, there is nothing that will make us safe.

"Well?" Oh God, he wants an actual answer.

"It's just," my mouth is refusing to speak the words my brain refuses to form. "You're just so close." I can barley whisper the words. I wonder how he will take that.

He laughs. I hear him laughing.

He slips his arms around my waist and pulls me up to my feet. It is not very hard for him considering how much weight I have lost and how already muscular he is. Now I am standing, and he is standing in front of me, his body pressed close to mine. I want to cry like a little girl and run away, like I wanted to the day of my aptitude test when I encountered the factionless man.

My arms, I think. My arms dangle at my sides above his arms. I need to do something with them for this to be convincing.

For a second I look up and imagine his face morphing into a more familiar, more comfortable, more lovable person's face. I see Tobias' face.

I wrap my arms around Marco's Tobias' neck and lean my head against his chest and breathe in a scent that does not belong to him. Tobias' arms tighten around me and I let myself slip into a warmth and comfort that is not there. I only now realize how fatigued my body is. I don't think I have eaten in days and it is very hard to get a somewhat good nights rest on the hard mat I sleep on. My eyes drift closed in the fantasy protection that I have made myself. Tobias swings his arms under my legs and carries me out of the room.

I keep my eyes closed the whole way there but when we arrive Tobias sets me down on something soft. A bed. A fluffy pillow under my head and a quilt under my body. Someone throws another blanket on my body. It feels soft and fluffy, like a kitten's fur. I let the small baby animal envelope me in it's warmth. I hold it's body while it snuggles next to and around me, enclosing me in clouds.

I am at pure peace. Letting my troubles fall a million miles to the ground from where I am in the clouds.

"Goodnight, Love."

As soon as Marco's voice cuts through the air my bliss turns into cracked glass. He crawls onto the bed next to me and drifts off immediately.

+++

I don't know how long I lay there but it feels like an eternity. Sleep tempts me with promises of safety and satisfaction. But those are lies. I won't be safe until I am far away from here. I won't be satisfied until Tobias is safe with me.