The Darkness Of love

The beginning

Well it all started in middle school. Hell was happening during that time. Being pushed around and bullied. Even in elementary I was being bullied. Pushed, shoved, punched and kicked.

I was like a fucking toy.
Yeah.. I god damn rag doll. Where they can pick me up and throw me back down. That is what I was.

You see I never really had many friends because, well.. I don't know really? I talked but that only made things worse.

Middle school than hit. Was super nervous you know? Going into the next grade, a higher grade. Where you than switch schools and meet new people and have new teachers. And all of this new stuff. New routines and new classrooms.

I was hella nervous with all of this. I made a friend on the first day of school who always was pretty chill and nice to me. But we didn't talk too much. Like only when we saw each other in classes otherwise that's it.

I was messed with a lot by a bunch of kids. They teased me, mimicked me on how I acted and talk, and so on. It never stopped once. Ever.

As the year went on I made maybe 1 or maybe 2 other friends?

No.

I didn't. I hardly even talked I learned to not say much because if I did say anything I would have been bullied more. I had a nickname that went all through the entire school..

When I think of it.. it fucking kills. I'm not even gonna say because of how much this nickname hurt me. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE called me it. I soon stopped raising my hand in class cause if the teacher called my name students would correct the teacher with the nickname.

I hated it all.

I FUCKING hated it. Because it's when things really hit me you know? Depression, anxiety, self insecurities. And so on and so on.

Self harm..

Yeah..

That shit too man. All of it.

Like each scar was a star, a dark star. A star of pain. A whole galaxy of it. Up and down. And the blood, that's the good being released out of these stars to become so dark.

But then there was this girl. And oooooh jesus this girl man.

Ha..

She's so beautiful. Like not even just beautiful. Let me describe how she was.

She was like a ray of sunshine, and rows of rainbows going threw the sky. Covering the bright blue sky. While she made all the flowers bloom and all the colors shine. She was like mother natures daughter. I never met someone as beautiful as this girl here.

And you see I became friends with her. We become MUCH closer towards the end of middle school. And hell we became the bestest of friends there ever was.

I mean we hung out all the time, and laughed, and smile.

Holy..

Her smile.

Filled with so much love and joy. Just all being shown in the greatest way possible. Especially when she laughs. It's all just amazing.

She makes me go crazy sometimes though.

But I love it. I love it all. Every bit of it.

I lover her

Yeah..

Her..