The Darkness Of love

Difficulties

It's difficult though. Like she doesn't know that I still have these types of feelings. I have told her before that I had a crush but it wasn't fully the same.

So I told her I got over her and thought it's just best to be how we are. And so time went on, I met new people. And I tried to get my mind off of her. Mingling and flirting. Seeing who can make me feel.

Feel deep inside and out. Happy. Alive.

But it's hard because every time I get with someone I then feel guilty. Cause deep inside I still have these feelings. You know? These feelings for her.

And it just sucks cause.. I know she won't ever get with me. Ever. Never understand this. Even though she understands all of me...

But except these feelings.

And so I met this girl. A different girl. Her name was Taylor. Yeah I felt for her and she made me feel. And she made me happy and I soon to really like her.

She started to feel the same and I was so amazed! I was so happy! Like NEVER before. And as soon as I asked her out. It felt soooooo damn good.

I was like a child screaming for cookies.

I was just so happy.

Yeah.

Happy.. heh.

Taylor and I were happy together. We did a lot. Hung out and went to places. Walked and talked. Had fun. Played. Just did things.

I remember my first kiss with her. It took my breath away. Like all my air left me and into her. I felt just so happy. It was like I was flying away to neverland.

But..

Shit happens. She wasn't trying for me.

For us.

You see Taylor drink and Taylor got high and Taylor would get drunk and be stupid.

Taylor would always say "I'll try for us! I love you! You know that right? I do! I love you!" And so on

"I love you"

Yeah I loved you too.. you actually made me forget for a brief moment. About reality and the pain.

I still thought of that one special girl though. The one who is so beautiful. The one who always can make me laugh and smile no matter how mad or sad I am. The one who will always be there for me.

But you see. She'll NEVER feel for me.

EVER.

No matter HOW MUCH I just want her to understand! No matter HOW MUCH I want her to know!

I just.. I just, don't even know man. I don't know.

I don't..

I sometimes get so lost in my thoughts that I forget where I'm at. Like. Am I really here? Or is this all just a dream that I'm stuck in?

I want to do right
For once.

Make her happy. And make her know how much she means to me. Because she means SO much to me. I'll do absolutely anything for her. Literally.

Anything.

The difficulties.. I hate them all. Every bit of it. All of it.

I hate it.

I really fucking do..